The Girl who Drowned in Darkness

Chapter 4: Hope

(Outfit up top is what she changes into)

For a long time I never understood the reason as to why people become addicted to adrenaline. For most of my life, I never cared about feeling alive. Being alive, had brought so much pain and misery. I never wanted to be reminded of it. But there was a time when I tried to take away the pain by cutting myself. There was something about slicing into my skin, watching the blood drip from my body. Reminding me my heart was still beating. Sometimes with all the hurt and the misery I felt on a day to day basis, it was hard to believe that my heart was still beating. Because despite all the feelings in my heart and all the thoughts running in my head, they should've killed me. But my heart kept on beating. A miracle in my mind.

And every now and again I would test my body's limit. See how far my body can go before the loss of blood killed me. As strange as it sounds, I needed that. I needed that feeling of control it brought me. I've had so little control in my life, that at that point I needed anything to make me feel like it was still my life.

It made me feel powerful. Because in those few moments, there was nothing and no one else who could control me. I decided how far things went, how much blood I would lose. It was all me. I liked that feeling of control and power in my life. I guess that's why I did it so much, cutting. Because every day, there was always someone or something reminding me, that my life wasn't my own. And I never thought there would come a time where it would be. I guess I needed reminding that my life is my own.

Becoming a werewolf was so far out of my control, and yet it made me stronger, powerful. For the first time in my life I finally feel like my life is my own, and not just for a moment, but for a long time. And the moment I ran as a wolf for the first time, I finally understood how people become adrenaline junkies. Because running, at speeds I never thought could be possible. Its the most amazing feeling. And for the first time, I know what it feels like to feel alive. And its only now that I realize that all my life, I've been drifting, surviving, never truly living. I never felt like I was really alive. But now, now I can say that I do. And if I could feel that all the time, I would. I suppose that would make me an adrenaline junkie too now. Because those sparks of adrenaline I feel when I run, the world fades away, and all the pain, it doesn't exist. And that's a moment I want to live in for the rest of my life.

But the world doesn't stop for anyone, nor does time. The world keeps on turning whether we like it or not. And unfortunately, that includes school.

Which means if I didn't want to be late, and if I didn't want to get in trouble with Lacey, I had to stop running in the opposite direction.

And by the time I made it to school, I was almost late. I barely made it to History class on time. Although as I sit in class listening to the teacher blather on about the same topics. I wonder why I bother. I was invisible to anyone that wasn't Lacey or the New Guy. And unfortunately also Jennifer.

Then again, that was true before I was in a coma for 3 months. Now, I'm known as the girl who came back from the dead. Not sure which is worst to be honest. Being invisible to everyone, or everyone treating me like a zoo exhibit.

Luckily the classes all seem to blur by. And before I knew it, its time for gym class, the only redeemable quality in this school.

As me and Lacey got to the locker rooms, there was a sign up on the teachers door saying, "No Class Today,"

"Hey Lacey, do you mind if I go running in the woods?"

"Oh, you mean, running," she winked.

Giving her an incredulous look, "What did you think I meant?"

"You could easily decide to run like us humans do."

"Us humans?" Taken off guard by that response.