The Girl who Drowned in Darkness

Chapter 8: Take the Bitter with the Sweet

I woke up feeling the pressure of self-loathing crushing me. The memory of what happened yesterday still burned in my brain. I was supposed to protect people. I was supposed to be the one the pack and my friends counted on, and I let them down. Every. Single. One. Of. Them. How could I even be an Alpha, when I couldn't even fufill that basic responsibility.

I stood up, still in wolf form and started trudging my way to school. Dreading it more with each step. Not bothering to even go change. I continued to think about how disappointed my pack are going to be in me as much as I am in myself. Maybe Jennifer and Sofia were right, maybe I am worthless..

I wish I could curl in a black hole, but I know I can't do that. I can't go back to how I used to be, because I doubt I would be able to get out of the dark pit a second time. It would be so easy, but I won't, I won't do that to Lacey again. So instead, I have to go to school, paste a fake smile on my face and pretend everything is okay, when in fact nothing is. And then I have to see Josh at school and deal with him knowing one of my biggest secrets. I don't even know how I'm going to deal with that issue. How could I be so stupid to show what I was in front of him, when he doesn't give a damn about me? Oh, right! I remember, because I'm a caring, selfless person who pretty much saved his ass from a slow painful death. I'm such an idiot!

I finally reached the edge of the forest, where you could see the school in perfect view. I switched back, so I was a normal human again. Not that anyone would notice otherwise. Walking to History class slowly, loathing every minute of my existence. Not even caring I was going to be late or if I stumbled into anyone as I walked. I wanted to escape this place. When I finally reached my destination, I could see Josh from the corner of my eye staring at me. I guess that means he's still not over it.

I kept to myself all day; I didn't talk or even look at Liam and Lacey. I knew if they looked me in the eye, they would know something was wrong, and I didn't want to deal with that. Every hour was like someone was stabbing me in the chest. I wanted to jump out a window, and run and then keep running and never come back. But you know what they say, you can't run away from your problems.

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By the time, lunch time came, I had to leave right then and there. The pain in my chest was becoming unbearable. I felt like I had swallowed my lungs, choking. I passed my table and walked out the doors leading to the back of the school, not looking back once. I started quickening my pace, so I could escape to my happy place. I looked back once more to make sure I wasn't being followed and of course, Josh shows up at one of the worst possible moments for me. Its bad enough I had to see him at school after what happened, now he decides to invade my alone time, in the one place that I can actually think and be alone.

I hid behind a tall bush so I could lose him before he continued to follow me more. He finally got deep into the trees that I thought I finally had the opportunity to sneak away. Until he stopped walking. I knew right then, there was no getting out of this confrontation.

I quietly went behind a tall tree and climbed my way to a branch that hung over his head. He looked around wondering which way I went. I slowly moved closer to the edge. I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my chest cavity. I took one last breath before my nerves could get the best of me and decide to go back. Leapt off the branch, landing gently on Josh. Making him fall onto his stomach.

I straddled him with one leg on each side, with my hand holding his head to the ground.

"What are you doing here, Josh?"

"I wanted to talk to you, so I followed you," he grunted out.

I got off his back and walked over to the tree I climbed on and leaned against it with my arms crossed. He stood back up and walked closer to me.