Don't Let Me Push You Away (Simon Minter Fanfic)

Chapter 30

At first when I woke up, in my own bed, memories of last night were forgotten about.  Only for a moment.  The pounding headache wasn't enough to stop the images, Harry kissing me, the look on Simon's face, JJ screaming at me.  All of it was too much, I put my head in my hands to try and free myself from last night.  How could I let any of this happen?  Why didn't I just tell JJ that I didn't kiss Harry?  Now there were things that were said that couldn't be undone so easily.

I still haven't talked to Simon yet, being the idiot I was and giving up just like that.  It felt like right before mine and Simon's relationship where everything was falling apart.  But I've been able to fix it all the other times, surely I could do it again.  Come up with something grand to say and he'd look at me the way he always did and fireworks would erupt in my stomach.  He told me he wanted to marry me, there was no way he could hate me.

The floor felt like ice beneath my bare feet as I glided across my room.  There wasn't a worry in my mind about what time it was, if anything Simon was more likely to listen to me while he was half asleep or busy editing.  Before I could do that, though, brushing the beast that was my hair and cleaning my face up felt like a necessity.  Looking good would give me a bit of leverage over the boy.

"Okay," I said, splashing myself with water.  "You got this Kelsey, don't psych yourself out."  My own eyes looked at me in the mirror, encouraging me to get out there.

Quickly I realized how unprepared I was when I opened the bathroom the same time Simon's shut and he walked down the hallway.  Even though I was positive that he heard me, his head didn't look anywhere near my direction.  I knew how he got when he was angry.  So I took off after him and reached for his wrist.  "Wait on second, listen to me, please."

No reaction was retorted except for the yanking of his arm out of my grasp.  I had to get him to hear me out, we could move past this.  All this was, was just another obstacle we had to get through to prove that our love meant something.

"Simon, baby?"  My voice was only a little softer this time.  Maybe that's why he stopped mid step on the stairs.  Not turning around, simply shifting his weight from one leg to another.  "So... you're not going to talk to me anymore, not let me save our love?"  The silence had gone on long enough.

"I'm trying to figure out if it's worth it anymore, Kelsey," Simon unfortunately answered.

"I- uh, what?"

Finally he turned around, and by finally I mean I wished I had never said anything to him.  "We don't seem to be worth how shitty you make me feel all the time.  Last night won't get out of my head.  Maybe we need a break.  We can take turns staying at a hotel or something, I don't want want to see you at the moment, forever, I don't know yet."  And for a split second it looked like he was done, but of course he wasn't.  "You know what?  We had something really great and you had to go and fuck it up, fuck me up.  Wasn't I good to you?  Better than that Aaron guy I bet and you treated him better than you've ever treated me.  You crave being miserable, I get that now, but I don't and I'm not letting you bring me down with you."

That was it.  Simon left me standing there without letting me explain myself.  It's like they expected something like this from me so there couldn't be a rational explanation.  I may start arguments out of nowhere, or ignore the people I care about when something is bothering me, but I would never, ever cheat on Simon.  How could they think I would do such a thing?  They must have very low opinions on what kind of person I am.  Could I really say I didn't bring this upon myself though?

There wasn't much left in me after that, I wanted to find JJ and tell him how sorry I was.  He was my last hope.  After all, he was the only one who understood why I am the way I am.  Last night got out of hand but he was still my best friend.  If there was one thing that could be fixed. It was us.