Who could love me? I was only fifteen years old and raped by someone you knew and loved. Lies began to press from my lips as I couldn't bare to tell anyone. After you left, I began drinking more. But after this, alcohol alone just wasn't enough to wash away the pain of yesterday. I began smoking marijuana. I began popping pills for the hell of it. I began getting high off acid. The sad part is when you're down for so long, it's hard to look up. I began to get high and drunk to the point of passing out. I remember crying because I was never going to feel good enough. Where were you when I was taken advantage of? Where were you when I began destroying myself with the intention of forgetting that there was ever an 'us' ?
My depression got worst than it has ever been. The cuts got deeper, the burns lasted longer, the bruises stayed for weeks, but yet nothing I did to myself could compare to any of the pain I was feeling. During our whole relationship, you cheated on me a number of times with Dakota. I finally had an answer to one of my questions? Where were you then? In the bed of another woman. Life had lost all its meaning to me. There was no reason to get up and let my day become productive within itself. I had no motivation and grew tired every second of the day. In the time you were gone, I overdosed a handful of times. The last overdose I was dealt with was when I took over 2 bottles of pills. The ambulance's paramedics put me in the back of the ambulance to save my life. I had 5 IVs inserted into my scarred arms. I woke up two days later on my way to Parkview, a hospital for depression. But no amount of prescription drugs could fuck me up more than you already have.
They say love is everything it is cut out to be. Instead of finding love within myself, or within others, I found love in bleeding crimson red. I prayed every day that God would suck the breath from me, if he truly loved me. But Isn't it amazing how we can feel dead inside without the actual concept of being pronounced dead? It killed me how we were absolutely and utterly incompatible in so many ways... but so compatible in other small ways. Yet no matter what I did, I couldn't get you out of my head. I couldn't understand how I could sleep at night with the thought of whether or not you were okay lingering through my head. I prayed for your safety. I loved you. I hope one day, you'll remember me as the girl who loved you so much that she forgot to love herself. I hope you'll remember me when you wake up, when you eat, when you're about to sleep. I hope I will be your greatest nightmare. I hope you will be the one crying, and she will be the one happy with someone else. One day, you'll regret losing her. You lost the girl who did everything for you. You lost the girl who was always there for you when no one else is. You lost her because of your ego. you lost the girl who stayed by your side even if you threw harsh words to her. You lost the girl who tried to understand you when she needed you and you were not there. One day, you'll realize that she was the one for you. the girl who stood by your side even if you don't appreciate her. The girl you chose to let go because you're full of pride. One day, you'll realize that the girl you screwed up on and left, was the girl who kept on fighting and defending you when she hears gossips about you. My smile won't be fake anymore, it will be real.
One day, you'll see her happy and contented with the life she have when you left her. I will thank you for letting me go and for making me realize I am worth of something so much better, that there is someone out there who is willing to do everything for me. She will look into your eyes with no feelings for you at all. One day, when you see her, you will feel like you've been stabbed in your heart a millions times for giving up on her. And when that day comes, no matter what you do, no matter what you say to her, it will not make sense because she was already done spending years of her life trying to make you love her as she loved you. but you didn't.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
I Wrote This For You.
Ficção AdolescenteThe difference between you and I was that I had the intention to love you, and you had the intention to destroy me. The sad part is, I let you. I wrote this for you ...
