I Wrote This For You.

"I want you for the rest of my life ..."

I'm not scared of heights, water, or love. I'm scared of falling, drowning, and possessing a broken heart. I'm scared of being the only one trying. Love is worth fighting for but not if you're the only one fighting. Love is so much more than that. It's within our grasp but yet so out of reach. Falling for someone is inevitable. And me feeling so unhappy is inevitable. It's been years, yet I feel the same.  

If I could kill myself without hurting those seldom who truly care, I would do it ... in a heartbeat. I would breathe my last breath just to think of you. I would write your name on the bullet just so everyone knows you were the last thing that went through my head. Because although you hurt me, I made excuses for all the pain you caused. That's how I knew I really loved you. I'm broken because I believed. I'm broken because I loved you, but you didn't love me.

One fall night, I stayed at your grandparents' house. I took my time to drive for 2 hours after I had got lost. I drove just to be in your arms. As I approached you, you snuck me in your house. I laid in your bed, wrapped myself in your blueish black sheets & took in the aroma that smelled like you. I felt so comfortable. We laid there for hours without a single care in the world. That's when I realized, I was at home without actually being at home.  We talked for hours and made love. Your lips pressed against my body until I began to grow tired. When I fell asleep, you played your game. An hour later, when I awoke, I was greeted by your face. You told me "I didn't want to wake you... you looked so beautiful." I fell for you harder and harder. I laid next to you while being so in love. You had told me, "Catrina, I love you with all my heart. I want you for the rest of my life." As I began to tear up, you had got on your knee and asked me to marry you. But that's not us anymore ...

We are nothing.

You are okay, yet i am nothing but broken.