pretend (phan)

fourteen

"I'm going to the restroom," Phil spoke, standing from his chair at the table. Dan nodded, sipping on his drink. He looked out the café's fogged window, yawning as his eyes ran over the snow outside. Suddenly, a van pulled up, paparazzi and reporters piling out and into the café. Dan groaned, getting up.

"Dan Howell, can we ask you a few questions?"

"You're going to anyway," Dan muttered under his breath before responding. "Go ahead."

"Is it true you now have a cat?"

"Yes-"

"Do you have any other pets?" Another reporter cut in.

"Not yet."

"How is your marriage with Phil Howell-Lester?"

"It's fine-"

"Have either one of you cheated?"

"No? I mean I don't think Phil has-"

"Do you not care that Phil was poor before meeting you?"

"No, of course not-"

"What did his parents say at the masquerade ball?"

"That's personal-"

"What's going on?" Phil piped in, walking over next to dan. Cameras instantly turned to him, microphones shoved in his face.

"How do you feel about your parents?"

"Well-"

"Do you miss them?"

"I mean-"

"Do you like being famous?"

"Actually-"

"What about-"

"Let him talk!" Dan scolded. The reporters went silent. "You barge into our date and drown us in questions that you don't even let us answer! Now, if you'll excuse us, we are going home. And if any of you reporters follow, I'll set restraining orders."

The crowd parted a path to let the couple through, Dan slamming a wad of cash on the table before taking his husband's hand and dragging him out.

"That was hell."

"That is exactly where we're both going at this point, so get used to it."

Phil held in a laugh. "Dan Howell-Lester, did you just make a joke?"

Dan froze, hiding a growing smile.

"I did?"

ღ

"Does it ever bother you?"

"Pardon?"

"Being a celebrity, I mean," Phil corrected himself, looking over at his husband. They were on their balcony together, the crickets chirping as the stars twinkled above them. They had their half-full wine glasses sat between them, the red liquid waiting to be sipped.

"Well. . ." Dan began, itching the back of his neck. "I do enjoy privacy, which I don't seem to acquire. I hate feeling anxious and having to hide when in public. I also like peace and quiet, which also doesn't occur much. That's why, when I met you, it didn't seem so bad because you understood that. We can be together and not even be talking and that's peaceful to me, just not so lonely."

"I make you happy?" Phil asked, genuinely shocked. Dan couldn't blame his reaction, considering he had never really complimented him or spoke fondly towards him.

"Phil, of course you make me happy. You have made me grin since the day I laid eyes on you, and you still do to this day."

Phil took a shaky breath, reaching over and brushing his fingers over his husband's. Dan flipped his hand and their fingers interlocked, Phil giving him a squeeze before speaking up.

"Can I tell you something?" Dan looked over at Phil, nodding. But Phil had his gaze locked to his lap, avoiding eye contact. "I've always liked you. I know I seemed like I dreaded getting married as much as you did, but honestly I didn't see it as such a bad thing. We both were- or felt alone for all our lives, so I figured this would be good. But you kept complaining so I kept acting. I kept pretending to dislike it."

"It didn't take long for me to fall for you either."

"You've fallen for me, Daniel?" Phil teased, having Dan playfully hit him.

"The time I realized I was crazy about you was at the tower in Japan," Dan explained. "While I was facing one of my fears, I realized I had developed another one."

"What was it?"

"The fear of losing you."

Phil giggled affectionately, eyes beginning to water happily. "I'm literally gonna cry."

"I had realized that I want to stay with you for as long as possible, I want to make you as happy as I'm capable of and appreciate you as much as I can. I wanted to stay up there in that tower if it meant I got to look at you in that lighting for a little longer or hold your hand a little tighter," he breathed out, squeezing Phil's hand for emphasis. "I want to replace your bad past with a better future and make sure you never feel like you're unloved or alone again, because someone is going to be there for you, and I want to be that someone."

Phil wiped at his eyes, a smile locked on his lips as he finally looked at Dan.

"I know I'm a messy person and make lots of mistakes. I know I've made you cry and pushed you away when you wanted to get close and I know there's a better person out there that you could have, but I'll try and be the best for you. I want to be good enough for you in every way possible, because you deserve so much and that is the most I can give to you."

"Sugar, you're more than enough," Phil sniffled. "No, you're not the best person in the whole world. But I'm not either, and that's what makes our relationship great. We're like two different colors of paint and we mix together to create something- something that has others in awe at how beautifully you and I really are together."

Their foreheads rested against each other and Dan initiated the kissing first, leaning down to press his lips against the boy.

"I think I love you," Dan confessed as their mouths brushed against one another.

Phil chuckled softly, placing his hand on Dan's jawline and tipping his head down to kiss the top of his hair. "I love you too."

Dan smiled, content, and then they just hugged. Their fingernails dug into each other's back, noses pressed into the other's shoulders. Dan breathed him in, eyes falling shut. He had finally said it, and the outcome was more than memorable in the best way.

Their embrace was peaceful and relieving, a feeling Dan had craved to experience his whole life- and was now getting it with his favorite person in the world. He never wanted to let go, he just wanted to fall asleep in his arms and not care about the annoying paparazzi or crude magazines.

The couple was saying nothing, but saying everything at the same time. Because, Dan had realized, actions truly do speak louder than words- and Phil had proved that.

The brunette held onto him tightly, his heart beating out of his chest and breathing unsteady. But Phil holding onto him was making everything stable, because this was real and someone finally loved him as he much as he loved them.

Dan had finally found his soulmate.