Doncaster [Louis Tomlinson]

15: Second Thoughts

Another early update! I think this will be the last of them, though, since now I want to focus on IASWAT and Eleanora as I feel like I've been neglecting them. The next update should be in a week and 1/2 to 2 weeks

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Mum dropped by to pick me up around half an hour later. She told me that Jay called around 10:30 to say that Louis and I were both sound asleep.

            I didn’t do much that weekend. I somehow managed to get a little bit of drawing and singing practice done amongst the painful noise of next door’s renovation. I went to the local park  -- which was still dusted with a layer of snow -- to escape the racket, and while there I got some thinking time to myself.

            I thought about the night before; how I so easily dismissed the rules I’d been following my entire life. I blamed my frustrating hormones. Having Louis kiss me like that made me forget everything I’d ever known about right and wrong.

            But now everything was clear. And what happened was very, very wrong. I glanced around at the empty park, hoping I’d find something that would distract me from the voice in my head that was continuously scolding my behaviour. But nothing was in sight, so all I could do was sit there and let it pass; until I heard voices a few minutes later.

            I swivelled my head to the right and saw Ella with that friend of hers who approached us at rehearsals earlier that week, walking along the footpath. Luckily I was wearing my brown coat which blended in nicely with the leafless trees, so while I could see them, they couldn’t see me.

            “I don’t know, I mean, I haven’t spoken to him for a while and he seems … distant.” Ella explained. I presumed she was talking about Louis, so I listened in. “And on Thursday, at the end of rehearsals, basically everyone had left the theatre so I thought it would be safe to kiss him. But when I did he moved his head, so I ended up kissing his cheek.”

            “Maybe he needs space?” her friend asked

            “Space?” she questioned

            “Yeah, I read in this book that boys are like elastic bands-“

            “What?”

            “-they’re close at first, but then they have to stretch out, and you have to let them. But then they come springing back. Like an elastic band.”

            “Yeah, well, Louis has been my boyfriend for over a year. If this phase was ever going to happen it probably would’ve already.”

            “Yeah. The book did say this usually happened at the start of a relationship.”

                        “I- well, I don’t know, I-“ she took a deep breath “I think I’m losing him.”  There was something about the way she said it that had a genuine sadness. And knowing I was the cause of it all left me to look down at the ground in shame.

                        I felt awfully guilty. If I had not pranced in and created this mess, everything would’ve been okay.

            *                                                        *                                                          *

            I hardly slept on Sunday night. I was constantly tossing and turning, wondering how Monday’s events would play out.  I had a foreboding feeling in the pit of my stomach, like tomorrow would be the day that everything would fall to pieces.