Broken Souls

A Cappella

Message from Cocoa Unicorn:

I feel like I'm slowly losing myself. (3:23PM)

Message from Bajan Beauty:

Losing yourself? In what context are we talkin here? (10:33AM)

Message from Cocoa Unicorn:

Like in the way that I feel like I'm being closed up in a tight space of darkness. I can't breathe. My heart won't stop racing. (3:34PM)

Message from Bajan Beauty:

Listen, if you can type, you can breathe. So take bigger, SLOWER, deeper breaths. Where are your anxiety meds? Did you take em today? (10:36AM)

Message from Cocoa Unicorn:

If I take deeper breaths, I start sobbing. My meds are on my desk and I've just been taking them when I need them. (3:38PM)

Message from Bajan Beauty:

Why is your heart racing and what calms you down? (10:41AM)

Message from Cocoa Unicorn:

I don't know why my heart is racing. I just want someone to talk to. It helps me through the motions. I stopped taking my depression pill because it's messing up my period. I've been on since we came back. And I'm having this severe withdrawal. The withdrawal is affecting my anxiety and I can't control it right now. There's like this huge lump in my throat that's making it hard to breathe. (3:47PM)

Message from Bajan Beauty:

Jesus. My friend had problems with her depression meds too. I hate this. Im sorry T___T I wanna call you so you can hear a voice THAT FUCKING LOVES YOU but my plane is boarding now T___T (10:50AM)

Message from Cocoa Unicorn:

Thank you for caring, Aisha. I'm so glad that you understand how I feel during this time of immense stress. I gotta get to school anyway. Thank you again and have a safe flight, sweetheart 🖤 (3:55PM)

The bullying wasn't letting up by any means. Estelle's regular one hour route to school turned into the worst 60 minutes of her day. The trains were always packed with people; people who were versed in the ways of kpop. They followed her off of the train until she reached her school. Everyday they did this. She didn't know what they had planned or if they were going to try anything funny.

Weird text messages were beginning to flood her phone. All of them were death threats. The only people she could even bring herself to tell were Xandy and Aisha. Of course they worried endlessly for their friend. Estelle made them promise and cross their hearts that they wouldn't make a peep about the situation to Jiyong.

The text messages were becoming increasingly violent in nature. The anonymous senders repeatedly said they knew where she lived, which school she went to, and even where she used to work. Her mental state and lack of sleep finally succeeded at getting her fired. She couldn't feel anything except the blaring numbness. The bruises on her arms and torso didn't even bother her anymore. A deep gash on her upper lip stung everyone once in a while.

She tried to fight the bullies back on her own but it only seemed to make things a lot worse than what they originally were. The busted lip came from her ducking a punch then being kicked while she was bent over from the dodge. The blind rage was concealed behind countless tears making the bullies eventually leave her alone on the ground. She immediately ran home for the rest of the day and cried into her many pillows.

This particular morning, something seemed especially sinister and quiet. Estelle cautiously walked onto her campus when her notification tones rapidly went off inside of her purse. Her eyes widened at the sounds, causing her to yank her phone out to see the screen moving at a blinding speed.

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, text messages, KakaoTalk, and LINE were blowing up. The only words she could pick out of the rapid fire messages were, "Jiyong", "bitch", "die". Her eyes were burning uncontrollably as tears fell from her eyes. She covered her mouth to stifle her sobbing while her hand with the phone trembled. Her eyes peered up from her phone and saw no one around. It was too quiet. A loud sob echoed through the courtyard as she dropped to her knees and continued to watch her phone malfunction.

"STOP IT!!" She screeched painfully. Those were the only two words that she could restate over and over until she became hoarse. Something clicked inside of her mind, her gaze shifting to the traffic just 20 feet away. "Stop it..." she breathed, grabbing her phone and standing, her eyes fixated on the moving metal.

Her feet sluggishly brought her body to the edge of the sidewalk where cars, buses, and bikes were whizzing past. Go. She took a single step forward onto the street, the cars avoiding her every way they could. Her brown eyes glazed over as she continued to trudge into traffic. Colorful language could be heard pouring from passing vehicles. A bus swerved out of the way but not before it clipped Estelle hard enough to break her right arm and fling her against the concrete. Her head met the ground with a faint crack, immediately knocking her out. Blood began to flow from the back of her head as the shocked sounds of pedestrians and other drivers closed in on her.

"SOMEBODY CALL 911! STOP CROWDING HER!" An older Hispanic man shouted, bulldozing his way through the crowd.

Estelle's vision was blurred and fading fast.

"Miss? Miss! Stay awake!" He snapped his fingers in her face to grab her attention. "Keep your eyes open," he urged in a calm tone. "It's gonna be okay. Don't move until the ambulance gets here."

"J...J-J..." she stammered faintly while she attempted to focus her eyesight on the fuzzy figure over her. "I want Jiyong..." she cried, covering her face with her left hand. "I want Jiyong. Where's Jiyong?"

"Shh shh," the man ordered gently. "We're gonna get you to a hospital. Then we'll find this Jiyong for you. Okay?"

"Xandy? Aisha? Where are they? I want my friends!" She yelled in the midst of attempting to sit up but whimpered in agony at her right arm.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Just breathe and try to relax. An ambulance is on the way now. Just keep your eyes open." He smiled faintly at her face, remembering something it seemed.

"I want to die," Estelle gasped through her sharp pains. "I want to die so badly. But the universe won't fucking let me."

"What's your name?" He asked kindly, holding her left hand tenderly.

"M-My name?" She searched her frazzled mind for the answer. "E-Estelle. My name is Estelle Mason."

"It's nice to meet you, Miss Estelle. How old are you?" His grip tightened on her hand when she seemed to be losing consciousness. "No, no. Stay awake."

"24," she rasped, attempting to latch onto the waking world. "I'm 24 years old and a film major at FIT."

"Oh? The next Spielberg?" He asked, laughing warmly.

She chuckled weakly and shook her head. "Nah. I'm gonna be the next me. I'm gonna blow Spielberg out of the water. He's gonna wish he was the next Estelle Mason." He laughed at her unparalleled ambition and gave a confident nod.

"I believe you can do it."

Her eyes scanned the hazy outline of the man and noticed a white aura surrounding his body. It felt otherworldly. Nothing about this man made any sense. But then again, she just attempted suicide. She may have just been imagining things.

The ambulance finally arrived and quickly tossed the gurney from the back of the truck and over to Estelle.

"We can take it from here," an EMT stated to the few people surrounding Estelle. "Thank you." She ushered them away with the rest of the crowd. "Everyone stay back!"

Estelle gave a delirious smile to the man who aided her before losing all conscious grip. The paramedics' voices were muffled and urgent, but she couldn't seem to pull herself from the darkness.

"You're going to be okay," The man's voice whispered. The loud hum of everyone around her paled in comparison to the angelic timbre of his voice. "You'll see him soon."