She left without a goodbye. I can't say I blame her. When morning arose it was just my thoughts and I consumed by the sea of blankets. Her scent still lingered and that was what made the situation so much harder. I sighed as I tried to keep myself together and from the corner of my eye I saw a note placed on the bedside table.
Camz,
I guess you've probably already realised I'm not here. I'm sorry for what happened between us and I've known you all my life so I know what you thought about it. You will always be important to me but right now I need some time to think and stop torturing myself like this. It might be selfish but you know that you have and always will be the top priority for me and sometimes that scares me. We're still us but you just won't see me every morning like we're used to. For an English student I am not doing great at expressing myself here. Still, I do hope that whoever you're with, they make you smile every morning. I hope that smile reaches your eyes that reflect gold in the sunlight - you never see it but I do.
I don't want you to think of this as goodbye because once I'm over this I'll be back so we can be the best friends we were. Though if I'm being honest I never thought that was the right term ever since you came to New York. Inevitably you felt it too which is why you kept things from me. I don't blame you because that would have hurt, but it hurts now too. You can't make someone love you. Your body's here but your mind is somewhere else. I'll be here when you are.
Your Lo.
The last line was like a kick to the stomach. I fell back on the covers and screamed into my pillow throwing the letter on the floor, wishing that I would just suffocate. I got up and paced back and forth in the room with my hands behind my head trying to keep myself from freaking out. It didn't work and I just ran into the hallway and started punching the wall. Filled with cement it was extremely solid and I dropped my left arm whilst wincing in pain. My recklessness caused a sprain on my hand and I lid down the wall defeated. I repeatedly hit the back of my head on the smooth surface and hoped that along with the discomfort of my newly forming bruises it would take my mind away from her.
I was still frustrated though and was now hurt physically as well as emotionally. I closed my eyes as tears gave way through my wet lashes. I needed to calm myself so I pulled myself off the floor and dragged my exhausted body to the shower. I stayed in there for quite some time albeit I didn't really have a choice since everything took longer with only one fully functioning hand. I got dressed and for a minute I just stood in the middle of our bedroom. All her things were still here, didn't she need them? I was beyond confused.
What I hated the most was the fact that she thought I didn't love her. I loved her for over 10 years and never stopped once. Of course, she meant romantically but I couldn't commit to something I felt so unsure about. She knew that which was why she said she had to leave. It was a Saturday, I had no classes and nothing to do. Normally at this point, we would be making plans for the weekend. This was hopeless, everything I did managed to remind me of her and I had an afternoon to kill before I headed to work in the evening.
I was walking through the hall when I heard some familiar voices just outside the apartment door. Cautiously approaching it I was able to make out that it was Dinah and Karlie. Hope bubbled through me that Lo would be with them but it shattered just as quickly when I saw just the two of them.
"Woah, dude. You don't need to look like we killed your Cat," Karlie spoke while Dinah looked at me sympathetically.
"No, I'm sorry. It's just been a long day....morning......evening? I don't even know," I exhaled.
YOU ARE READING
What Dreams Are Made Of (Camren)
Fanfiction"She was hurting because of me. It was my fault. And this is how it began." Camila has had to deal with so much pain in her life that she would contemplate not having to feel it at all. The one thing that kept her grounded was her best frie...
