Loving You (Wolfstar & Drarry)

7. Changes

"It's okay, hun," Sirius whispers, as he holds his husband's hand. Remus is ill again, and he is shaking and crying. The attacks have become worse, the pain more intense.

"Kill me," Remus cries, and it breaks Sirius' heart. "Please, I am begging you."

"You'll be okay. I promise," he whispers, as he leans over, and kisses his husband's tear-stained cheek.

"No, please. I can't take it anymore."

"You can. You're strong," Sirius whispers, but tears are rolling down his own face, and he can't stand seeing his husband like this anymore. "I just need the toilet, but I'll be back in a second," he says, and he gets up and leaves. He goes to the bathroom, and splashes some cold water in his face, hoping to stop himself from crying. But he can't. He then hears something smashing, and he runs back into the bedroom, where he finds Remus, with a piece of glass in his hand, trying to slash his wrist. But he is shaking so badly, that he has only made a deep wound to the side of his arm, and to his other hand.

"Please," Remus cries, and Sirius silently takes the glass from him, and checks the wounds. The one on his arm is deep, and needs stitches, but they can't go anywhere right now. The one on his hand will be fine. "Please," Remus begs again, but Sirius stays silent, as he leaves the room, to get bandages, and water to clean the wounds. When he comes back, Remus is quietly sobbing, while staring down at the wounds. "What have I done?" he whispers, but Sirius stays silent. He cleans the wounds, and tries to stick the bigger one together with small plasters, then covers both up with bandages. "Sirius, please look at me," Remus cries, but Sirius ignores him. "Sirius, please!"

"Do you think I can live without you?" Sirius then asks, looking angry. "Do you?"

"Please, I am so sorry."

"I can't, okay? I can't live without you, you bastard!" Sirius spits out, and he storms out of the room. He goes downstairs, into the kitchen, and cleans his hands. He is crying and hyperventilating, and he feels sick. He had meant what he had just said, he cannot live without Remus. He is nothing without him. And the fact that he could have just lost him, it makes him feel absolutely awful.

-----

It's been two days, and Sirius hasn't been back to see Remus. Harry has taken care of him, and Sirius has stayed downstairs, and he has slept on the sofa. Harry had asked what was wrong, but both his godfathers had ignored him. But of course he had seen the wounds on Remus' arms, and he had figured it out for himself, but he keeps quiet about it, knowing that it is too painful.

Sirius is downstairs, writing a review, when he hears footsteps coming down the stairs. He looks up, knowing that Harry isn't home right now, and finds Remus, looking even weaker than usual. He quickly gets up, but doesn't go over to his husband. Remus slowly comes up to him, and then looks him straight in the eyes, which is when Sirius sees how filled with pain they are.

"I am so sorry," Remus whispers. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"I know," Sirius says, and he wraps his arms around him, and hold him tight, even though it is probably hurting him.

"Please don't hate me," Remus whispers into Sirius' ear, and Sirius can hear that he is crying.

"Never."

-----

It is almost Christmas, and there's a school dance tonight. Harry is going with Luna, but just as friends. Because first of all, he doesn't fancy her, even though he finds her brilliant, and sweet, and stunning, but he simply just sees her as a friend. And secondly, he knows that Neville fancies her, so he would never go there, and ruin their friendship. But Neville had been too scared to ask Luna, so he had asked a girl he hardly knows. The friends are now at the dance, and they are all getting drunk, slowly. Fred and George had snuck in drinks, only for the friends, and even though they know they shouldn't, they're still drinking. Because hey, it's Christmas.