Hopeless. // FWxNS

chapter one

"Do I wanna know? If this feeling flows both ways."

Noah

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Him.

He was perfect in every way. Everything about him. I constantly stared at him. I could review every feature of his face all day long without getting bored. He had a physique that looked as if it were chiseled by an angel. He was an angel. Every second with him was like heaven on Earth.

Of course, nobody knew about my undying love for him.

Where we live, it is just not something that they accept. Gay isn't okay here. All I want to do is get out of this place. I want to take him by the hand and never look back. I want to leave all of this behind. My parents, Chloe, everyone. I can't change who I am, and I don't usually wish that I could.

Except when I think about losing him.

I knew that his parents were homophobic, along with everyone else in this town. I wasn't sure how he felt about it. He was my best friend, but that's just not something I can bring up with him. I fear that he will side with his parents. I fear that my best friend will stop talking to me. I fear being left lonely, when all I want to do is be with him.

"Noah," I hear a more feminine voice say.

Millie. Now she, she was a blessing. It was as if she was sent to Earth simply to fill everyone's hearts with joy. She knew about me, but it was because I trusted her.

I rubbed my head a bit, snapping back to reality. I must have been staring at him again, that's normally when Millie interrupts my daydreaming. She doesn't want me to get hurt, and she always protects me, even if it is simply just breaking my stare at the boy of my dreams.

She giggled. I get lost in my own thoughts a lot. I tried to write down what I was thinking in a journal once, to try and clear my head, but it didn't work out. I'd sit down to write, and by the time I had finished, there were only doodles. Silly drawings, like hearts around his name, and my first name with his last name on the end. It was childish, but I still keep it tucked safely away in one of the drawers to my desks. It's under all of the scattered playing cards, and notebooks from years ago. I would be mortified if anyone ever found it, but I also can't bring myself to get rid of it.

Millie starts talking to me about the boy that just moved in next door to her. She was practically swooning over this new boy, Beau. She talked about him like he was the greatest thing this world had ever seen, and it made me chuckle. Her face turned rosy red, and she erupted into a fit of giggles. We were both laughing at that point. This happens a lot, Millie's laughter is contagious. We felt a presence before us, and I quickly stopped laughing, stepping on giggly girl's foot.

It was him.

"Oh hey.. Finn," I said, clearing my throat a bit. I gave him a nervous smile. I couldn't believe that he came over here, even though we were best friends. For some reason, I love it when he notices me, even if it is just in a moment like this. Even if it's his understanding that we're only friends, I thirst for his attention.

Finn gives me a smile. The same smile he gives his friends. The same smile that I fell in love with. I nearly melt at the sight of his smile, it's truly wonderful. It washes away all of the fear I have about my feelings for him. It makes me feel so special, until he gives the same smile to someone else.

That moment, where I feel like I'm falling in love all over again. When his attention is focused on me, my heart seems to beat right out of my chest. It makes me so happy, even if it is just for that split second before he turns and smiles at someone else.

He can give me a simple stare, and I'm hit with the sudden realization every time.

I'm in love with Finn Wolfhard.

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psa: beau's faceclaim is asher dov angel