Hopeless. // FWxNS

chapter nine

"Wanna help my words collide? Let's make a bow with old cut ties." 

Finn-
I still didn't know where I was. Sitting there, in Mel's Sunshine Bar, which seemed to be some sort of small-town cafe, I knew I didn't belong anywhere. 

I don't regret running, but I do regret leaving Noah. He is one person that makes me feel, and I left him. I left him, and his little doe eyes are probably plagued by the feeling that he wasn't good enough. I never wanted him to feel like that. So sitting there, at the counter, I tried to do anything to drown out my guilt. The nice man next to me bought me a coffee, and even though I don't drink coffee, I sipped at it, hoping it would numb the pain in my heart.

I watched the small television behind the counter, not really paying attention. I couldn't help but drown in the thoughts that were surfacing in my brain.

Why did I do it to him? I loved him. I still love him. I thought I was helping myself. I thought that what I needed was to get away, yet here I am, drowning in a hot caffeinated beverage that tastes like tap water. The feeling in the pit of my stomach causes a pain in my heart, a pain that only has one cure, and I got rid of that one thing that could make me feel anything but this. I got rid of the one person that makes me feel like no other, because I thought it was right.

I made an impulsive decision. An impulsive decision that I now know was wrong, but there's no way I could take it back. 

I wonder if Noah even misses me. Maybe while I'm here hurting, he has found someone new. Maybe he found someone that treats him better than I ever did. There's a small portion of me that hopes he did. If I can't treat Noah right, then I hope someone else will.

Because although I miss the way his small brown eyes and his warm smile carved their memories in my heart, making sure that I would never be unaffected by them, I want him to be happy. I want him to give someone the love he so willingly gave me, but this time, I want the recipient to be the best of the best. This time, I don't want him to be stuck with such a mess.
As I sat there, sipping at the bitter coffee, the small television that I had merely glanced at before caught my attention. It was like the whole world showed down when I saw the headline of the news. 

"One Dead, Two Injured in Collision"

But it wasn't just the headline. On the television was a picture of the woman that took me in when my parents kicked me out, and the boy who had infected my mine since I left. Noah and his mom were involved in the accident. 

I didn't waste anytime getting out of that place. I needed to see him. Or worse, find out if he was the one dead.

I knew this was completely my fault. If I wouldn't have run away, maybe they wouldn't even have been in that car. Maybe Noah and I would still be snuggled up together, as he asked me questions about how I was doing, and I continued to not let him past my walls. 

I was out on the side of the road now, my thumb extended, trying to catch a ride. I knew it wasn't safe, but I had to go see Noah, or at least, see whatever was left of him. 

I pushed the thought of him being gone to the back of my head, and a navy blue Lexus pulled over to the side. I got in the car, hoping that nothing would go wrong, although something always seemed to. 

A boy was in the passenger seat, and he seemed about my age. "I'm Beau," he said, staring at me for a moment, "And you're a Finn, correct?" 

I nodded my head slowly, my face flushing white. 

"Oh," he laughed a bit, "My bad, don't be freaked out. I'm Millie's neighbor, and I just recognized you from pictures I've seen from her. Going to see Noah, I assume?" 

I nodded my head again. This boy seemed to know a surprising amount about me, and it was a bit unsettling. The person driving the car was already back on the road, although I didn't even notice. There were so many thoughts going through my mind. 

"Hey, uh, Beau, was it?" I said softly, "Do you know if he's, uh, alive?"

- 

hi guys remember me lol sorry this chapter sucks but my muse for this story is /low/ 

i'm only finishing it for you guys ok ily guys pls keep reading

PS THIS CHAPTER IS STRAIGHT TRASH IM SORRY