AMACon 3: Oikos Omnibus

Epilogue

Dead.
They are dead. 
There's nothing we could do.
They are dead.

"Grandma!" I sit up and see my Grandma looking at me. "Maine...Maine...Maine and Richard they are...."

Grandma looks at me and caresses my face. "Honey, there's something you should know."

"We have to tell them, we have to tell the police"

"Honey!" Her grandma shakes me and tries to calm me down "There's something you should know." She sighs and tucks a strand behind my ear as she wipes the tears that continue to stream down my face. "Annie does NOT exist. Annie NEVER existed. Maine is...." she sighs and hugs me briefly then adds "You're Maine."

I look at her and shake my head "No, No....I can't be Maine. I'm just 13! I'm a child, how can I be Maine?"

Grandma looks at me and holds my hand. "Honey, it’s been a year. You need to help yourself. You need to move on." She says and I look at my hands.

What was supposed to be a child's hand is now a grown woman's. No, no...This isn't real, I'm just dreaming. Yes, that's right this is just a dream.

I stand up and look at the mirror, and true enough what should be a young child is now replaced by a woman's body. I see Maine staring back at me. I look at Grandma in disbelief. "But, I'm Annie. I'm Annie."

My Grandma leads me to the bed as I feel my knees tremble. "Maine, Annie is supposed to be the name of your daughter." She sighs and continues "Your aunt says that you were showing signs of life the months you have been with her and that you need to come back to this place to heal. And when I saw you talking about yourself in the third person, I knew I had to step in; that I need to help you move on. Honey, I want to see the light in your eyes again."

"If I'm Maine...."

"My grandchild, you need to try to heal. And by healing you need to move on." She sighs and says "Richard was your husband. He died in a car crash both of you were in, a year ago. Annie...Annie was supposed to be the name of your unborn daughter. They both died and you survived, you became a shell of yourself. You refused to talk, but I know...I know its time that you forgive yourself. It’s nobody's fault. What happened is nobody's fault."

I look at her and my chest suddenly constricts as memories suddenly crash down on me like a tidal wave: Of the wedding, of Richard smiling at me when we learned that we were pregnant, of seeing a flash of light then nothing, of waking up in the hospital knowing that they are gone.....both gone.

I cry hysterically for the first time in a year, letting my emotions out like it should be as my Grandma rocks me back and forth saying that it wasn't my fault, over and over.

****

I walk to their graves for the first time after taking the first step in trying to heal.

My husband and my child.

They will always be a part of me. I know that starting all over again would be difficult, nearly impossible but at least I am learning to accept the fact that they're gone.

I look back and see that Johnny is gone, Johnny who I now know as someone I conjured as my guilt and regret towards what happened.

I place the flowers and promise to visit again as tears fall.

My husband and my child.

I look at the sky and see the sun shine, onward to a new day...onward to tomorrow.

T H E    E N D