Dangerously Discontent

Restore.

~3 weeks Later~

I was finally laughing at the TV shows,walking out with Ameena and teaching at my school as a substitute for Mrs.Jane,my ex-teacher who was at present at a Maternal leave.

I had 4th grade student's to amuse me,to enrage me and then all together laugh at me or with me. I enjoyed this. I was eating,my health was finally restoring back,my physical well being was seen as my cheeks returned to their supple form and my eyes revived it's youth and glitz.

I would be teaching from morning to Noon,after Dhur I would leave and see Ameena at her house or have coffee or tea at cafés. By evening I would return home and spend most my time either in the kitchen or watching something with my Dad,mostly some disturbing news because nothing else would suite my state now.

By hour by hour I would fear the night,eventually the dark would set in and inside me,the cold flashes of disdain and pure dejection would rise up.

At nights I couldn't be at ease. I would twist and turn but I wouldn't sleep for my head would spin and thoughts of Burhan wouldn't leave my burning agony.

But I would fight these wars with Tahjjud and sometimes at relief and sometimes with discomfort I would slip into sleep.

I was miserable and cold when I returned home,I conquered hypothermia in the hospital and was admitted for three days. I was recklessly posing danger for days before at Firdous by sitting at the terrace and balcony.

I am still sinking in the engagement and trying to be content with I have but I'm a failure.

By Allah's grace,day by day this wound is healing and I'm restoring my emotions back of being happy and smiling.

Ameena is getting married,we are planning for her trousseau and D-Day nowadays over meeting at cafés. When she's ideal she comes to my house and we sit and plan everything over.
I told her everything but not in a way it happened,pressuring the parts which were the hardest as it was okay but it hurts. But words are just words and my reactions were out of the world. She doesn't take opportunity to welcome those thoughts again in my head my I sometimes wish she did,maybe if I'd talk of it,I'll escape from it.

Mum had to return from the vacation in two after mine,I needed her. The rest of the family was amazed by the courage I possessed and 'sacrifice' I made to leave the house happy and by solemnly bearing my sickness away from the celebrations. But that wasn't true,I didn't even knew I was Ill. It posed to be a great excused ,I was only admired for it.

I wasn't ready to speak to anyone yet so everyday I act to be sleeping or being on call with my staff to avoid them.
But today I felt bad for putting down their calls.
So I skyped Aabish,who has been trying to do the same for two weeks since he had returned to his place.

I sat down with my legs folded on the chair and anxiously waited for him to pick up,he was the only pleasant thing that happened throughout.

He immediately picked up and the screen now showcased him,his grey eyes popped in surprise and his finger on his lip. At once he exclaimed "oh it is you! Noooor!"

"Aabissshhhhh" I greeted loud.

"Did you die with your dead people Mahi!" He mumbled.

"I am sorry,I wasn't well. How are you? Is that your room? I want to see it" I said trying to peek at his room.

It is unbelievable that for so many years we have never have been close,now suddenly we are closer than ever,I've never been to his room. I've been to. Aunt's place but it has been years.