Dangerously Discontent

Thunderstorms

We came home,he stood marching in my room in anger.

His temper at the peak. I was afraid of him.

"What did you think? Why did you hide it? I hate you Mahnoor! You killed my child! Who gave you the permission for such a big step,huh? Are you crazy!?" He spat his anger.

"Burhan I did this for us,they would accuse us of infidelity if had a ch--"

"Infidelity? Since when you cared of people's opinions! And even though you would be bearing my child outside the wedlock I would never let you kill it!" He screamed.

"Burhan! Please! It was my child too! You don't understand, they wouldn't respect the child and they would only pity him! Dishonor him and would never accept him wholeheartedly!"

"Shut up! I regret marrying you Mahnoor! How can you just kill my child and be okay with that and you give these irrelevant and stupid reasons to hide your act! You're selfish Mahnoor!"

"Burhan I could not keep it,it was impossible-"

"Dare you entertain the idea of sympathy from me on this woeful act!"

Mehreen came in the room "Burhan dad calls you!"

We fell silent. He stormed out and I followed him.

"What happened?" Mehreen asked me.

"Why are you raising your voice,I can hear you from my room" uncle warned Burhan.

"Because I am a madman baba,I am a madman!!" He screeched.

Everybody's face changed to his actions,my heart speeded.

"Burhan! What happened!?" His mum caught him.

"Ugh! " he kicked the bed "I'm sorry,I'm sorry"

He pushed me and returned to my room again.

"Burhan please understand, don't act like I don't rue my sin in guilt!" I stated now unsubtly in a dropping state of mine.

" because you don't! You don't care about anything! I felt guilty all this time because to me it was all my fault!" He grunted.

"You know what Burhan? You don't don't care about nothing! If you loved your child so much,you should've come to see me when I called you!"

"Like I knew you were pregnant! You didn't even tell me! Do you even repent Mahnoor" he questioned.

"I don't know about myself  but do you Burhan! Because you don't seem to care, you enjoy sleeping around in the house, do you carry a single guilt!?"

"Don't drag a matter of nothing in between!" He rose with a finger on me.

I pushed him, I was angry now and all my emotions were channeling through my eyes "I regret marrying you! Divorce Mehreen! And also as I regret even seeing you ever in my life! And that baby,he shouldn't have witnessed such a cowardly father! A man who can do nothing but just f*ck around in the house!"

My bloods was hot,my temper came all through me. I was resisting all this all while now.

"You won't understand anything Noor ,cause you are too blind with discontent in your ungrateful eyes,even if I slice my heart out for you,you would deny having it! You are selfishly devoted to envy and greed of having more. When you agreed to all this so gallantly and now you refuse to accept the very little if there is,any of changes in the house. You said you'd keep Mehreen forth, you can't even see her be beside yourself! All you ever did was lie! You have only kept lying to me! Ungrateful as ever!" he gnashed his teeth and spoke ever so bitterly

"Me? Or you. Cause you have a hunger that cannot be quenched of bodies and pride that shove in yourself. You armour yourself within with false fairness and pious act of religion. The truth is if you never wanted her you wouldn't please her with yourself but you love to be amused with two ladies per night! I refuse to live with you now! It's me or her! Choose now!"

His hands halted before my face as I breathed bravely without losing my eyes from his bewildered face. I hate him.

Mehreen walked inside. "Baba asks you both to be silent,Mufti Ibrahim is outside"

"Let her rejoice Burhan,why did you stop,slap me!" I said walking closer to him.

"Tell her to shut up and calm down Mehreen. Remind her;She is pregnant!" He said closing his fist and walking out of the room.

I was shaken. The fact was I cannot accept this all! Burhan is too good if he is! I do not wish to stay with this good of a man,he yearns to be an angel and I only can love a human. So I don't want him. I am tired running into circles for him. This hate and toxic wounds add on but never heal.

I no more love him. what's a man that cannot be yours? For him,I've been noticing nothing is greater than his virtues, his honor and his family,I am nowhere in his life!

He can't heal me,I'm injured now. My heart is broken. He doesn't even understand me. I did this all for him too but his allegations have only guillotined me. Mehreen is all and she is enough for him and now if he comes putting up his act of wanting me,he has to let her go and if he cannot, I don't want to accept him......

I packed my bags and left the house from the back door. I went to Ameena's house instead of my own,couldn't bear another hoard of people who would only attest me wrong.

She consoled me,restored me in my health and then sympathized with me.

I cried and cried. My heart was sore of the pain. I dejected myself. He was a mistake! A great one indeed!

Three weeks later, he called Ameena and she told him the truth at last that I was with her and he wished to see me.

I was now clear in my head and determined that what I wanted was very little and I would either have that or let him go.

She dropped me till his house but she did not come inside. She left from the door. I entered in the house. Many times have I entered here with the same feeling;Despair.

I went to my room without talking to anyone.

I sat on the bed but I was feeling nausea taking over me. I opened my drawer for a tablet. There were papers. I skimmed through the first few pages,they were property papers. Burhan was buying an expensive house at a distant from here. My anger thundered inside!

If he has decided to live with her no matter what, Then what's the point discussing the subject!

The house was named over Mehreen! I threw the papers!  Hell with you Burhan!

I walked in fury out of the door,he caught me in the lawn before I sat into he cab to never see him again!

"Mahnoor!" He clenched my face.

"Go to hell Burhan!" I yelled at his face.

"Mahnoor,get out of the cab! Mahnoor! Listen to me once!!" He called running behind my cab.

"I curse you Burhan,for you were never fair!" I said shutting  the window glass.

I hated how Burhan ruined my life complexly in a year! He mastered the tricks to fool me to stay and how I believed he loved me too much to let me go! All was false! I thought he would love only me if I married him but now he only loves his pride and his honour to feed his ego!

I hate him! I hate him!

I could not return to Ameena,I cannot stay there long. The option of going home was a waste,I was wrong to everyone.
I went to an old friend of mine,she was lawyer. I stayed there for a five weeks. She didn't ask any questions,single as she was,she lived alone. I paid the rent from my savings. I filed the divorce and the papers were sent to him. I did not see him,even though I was called from the court a few times. I knew he would convince me,I knew I would give in,like all those times I did earlier! I didn't want this compromise. He filed for paternal case and settlement....I did not give in. I flew to Coney Island where I required a job. Another country away from everyone and everything. After six months I was finally divorced.