Dangerously Discontent

Into Pieces.

Burhan's PoV

I was switching off the desktop and returning to the surrounding. By half psyche here and half always tied with Mahnoor,I don't know what I do.

I went to the kitchen and stretched my arms. I sighed,sighed....all that I do. I look out of the kitchen into the sky,even when the sun shines,the moon is there. The nature tells my story these days. The moon is always there,day or night. She is constantly looking from upon the sky. The moon reminds me of her. I should have stayed in the office,I don't even want to attend his wedding but he's my friend. My life's totally changed,not in a good way though. I wish to sit back and relax but I'm always thinking,there's a serpent of restlessness crawling inside my brain,no matter where I am,no matter what I do,I'm always trapped.

Mehreen entered the kitchen,I stood straight.

"You could ask me,I would've brought you water Burhan" she said with her almost suited smile.

I just smiled back. I don't know why this feels so wrong when I look at her. Even though I never can imagine not marrying Mahnoor.

I went into the bathroom and switched on the shower. The water when now falls on my skin never can bring out any sensation,I feel absurdly numb.

I try every single morning to talk to Dad about Mahnoor,every single time I see brother to mention her. When ever I look at Ma,I feel the need to rush to her knees and cry out the pain I've stored so gallantly.

But I fail everyday,every single moment. I see them so happy,I see Mehreen so happy. She gets well with everybody and it makes me guilty to be a suspect of an unknown crime yet I want them to welcome Mahnoor happily with all the honour and love she deserves; what more selfish reason would I escort these thoughts with than to only say I wish so because I love her.

Mehreen is great,she is a perfect wife,she matches with all,then why I do only wish to see that match to happen with Mahnoor. I want Mahnoor to be instead of her,when Ma smiles at her proudly and when Baba calls her to ask for things.

I fear all the words of that old man on the day of our wedding,if I ever be unfair,oh I wish not to displease my Lord!

However my heart's feelings cannot be measured,I'm glad I won't be taken in question for that,so for that I cannot help if I would never be able to love Mehreen as I love Mahnoor.

I try to be his husband but I'm quite surprised with the very artificial act I put up,she is always splendid and content.

I wish sometimes that she was harder to be fooled; so that she would have questioned me,why am I so distant from her? But Mehreen only smiles like she is in love with me,like rather little or more I give,is hers and she cherishes it.

She makes me so vulnerable and full of life ceasing guilt.

Everyday as I plan to take all that away from her and hand another hand to her,how would I say: she's my wife? What would I answer to her questions?

I fear so dreadfully the reaction of all the members of my family. My father,my ma,my brother and my sister!?

I walked out,pulling myself in the civility of being a husband and how Much it pains me,I cannot put in words rather I remind myself I'm doing this for my lord,to make this easier.

She has kept my suit on the bed, she smiles as I  slip on my clothes.

I feel terrible.

She packed her bag and looked at me. "I'll be leaving now,take care"

She's going to Aunt's house for a week. Aabid has come to take her. I feel nothing at all about that.

"Take care" I said.