Guilt ✹ Tracob

4

"What was that about?" I asked Jacob as we walked out.

"What? Nothing..."

"Baby... Tell me.."

"She doesn't know.." He sighed.

"About me? Well, I'm glad I didn't say much.." I said.

"No.." Jacob covered his eyes. "About us. She doesn't know I'm gay. I only moved back in with her when I learned she was going through serious debt. I'm just helping her out, and then I'm out.."

"She doesn't know?" I asked.

"Um... Is everything okay?" Tyde asked.

"Yes.. Everything is fine.." Jacob said. "Can we talk about this later?"

"I told my mum about us.." I said. "I told her about the video... about everything. She was understanding, and she's helping me through this.."

"It's not that easy for me..." He said, acting really hurt. "Look.... I want to tell her. I really want to tell her, but... I can't. My dad is homophobic. He has raised me in the worst way possible, making me see homosexuality as a terrible thing. Now that I know exactly who I am, I can't tell my mom... She'll never be able to keep that to herself.."

"Come here..." I said, feeling his pain. I pulled him in for a hug, and kissed him gently. "I understand."

"Jacob..."

"Oh shit..." Jacob said, wiping his eyes when he heard the voice. It was his mother. "Mom, I need you to understand..."

"How could you...?" She started crying. "Your father.... I thought he.... I thought he raised you better.."

"Mom please..." He said, watching his mum run inside.

"Mrs. Bixenman..." I said, following her. "Jacob, wait in the car..."

/

"Troye, I can't speak with you.." She said. "If he comes home, and sees you.... sees Jacob...."

"Why do you fear this?" I asked her.

"My husband..." Mrs. Bixenman started crying. "He said if any of our family turned gay..... He'd kill them with his bare hands..."

"Ma'am, I love your son..." I said with a sigh. "I know you love him, too... You can prevent this from happening. You can't help me protect him.."

"I've tried..." She cried, revealing handprints that wrapped around her neck, and a large bruise on her collar. "Jacob doesn't know about this...."

"Did you know he..."

"Yes..." She said. "I've known.."

"When did this happen?" I gave her a hug.

"A few nights ago.." Mrs. Bixenman explained. "I saw Jacob's text messages... to you... and his father tried to see what I was looking at. I told him I couldn't say... it was private... it was bad enough I looked. That's when he strangled me... Jacob wasn't home..."

"I'm so sorry..." I said.

"Keep him safe..." She said, looking into my eyes. "And.... if you could talk to him about this.... about the strangling..."

"I will.."

"Thank you, dear..." She said. "Jacob wasn't supposed to move back in.... he wasn't supposed to know I'm in debt.."

"I'll help him..." I said. "I promise.."

/

"Hey.." I said, getting into my car.

"Everything okay?" Kay asked.

"Yeah.." I said, taking Jacob's hand. "It's going to be..." I pulled out of his driveway, and headed to the cinema.

/

"Baby.... She's hurting.." I said. "Your mum..."

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Your dad..." I said, choking on my words. "She knew you were gay... she's known for a few nights now.."

"Ho-"

"She saw our texts.." I interrupted him. "She tried to hide it from your dad, and he attempted to strangle her..."

"Oh my God..." He said. We sat quietly in the cinema, sitting away from my brother so he could privately enjoy his date. "She... She didn't want me to move back in... That's... That's why.."

"You're right.." I said. "She wanted me to talk to you..."

"What am I going to do?" Jacob started crying.

"It's going to be okay..." I gave him a hug before the movie started. "It will be... I promise. You said I'd be okay... and now I need you to know..."

"I don't deserve you.." He said, crying into my shirt.

"Well, deal with it.." I teased. "Cause I'm the only man you have..."

"I'm glad.."

/

"Go have fun.." I said to Tyde and Kay. "We can leave whenever you want.."

"Okay!" Tyde said, taking Kay's hand. They ran into the water, taking a jump together, whilst Jacob and I laid underneath a beach umbrella, cuddling.

"I love you.... You know that, right?" I whispered to him.

"I do..." He gave me a kiss on the jawline. "I really love you..." Jacob wrapped an arm around me. "I just wish my dad understood.."

"He'll come around to it.." I said.

"I don't think he will.."

"My dad.... when I first came out to my parents.... he thought I'd get caught up with the bad boys, and get my heart broken with every guy I hooked up with..." I said. "He thought he knew everything.."

"Did he ever come around?"

"Yes.." I said. "He did. He sees now that I'm my own person, and I learned it was only to protect me.."

"My dad doesn't want to protect me.." Jacob said. "He's never been the type."

"Well, you're in luck.." I held his face in between my hands. "I'm that type." He smiled softly, then leaned in for a kiss. "You're going to be okay..." I held him in my arms, his head on my shoulder.

"I really don't deserve you..." He teared up.

"I don't give a shit.." I chuckled. "I need you, so you're going to believe you deserve me..." He giggled softly, making me aware he was happier already. "There's that smile.." Jacob broke from the hug, and smiled brightly.

"I love you.." He said through his soft tears.

"Don't cry..." I smiled, my arms wrapped around him. "I don't like to see you crying..."

/

By the time it was four in the evening, Kay had to go home. I dropped her off, then headed in the direction of Jacob's house.

"Troye... I... I don't think this is going to be the best idea.." Jacob said.

"Your mum will be there for you.." I said, holding his hand as I drove.

"She's not going to be for much longer.." I looked at Jacob, shocked by what he said, and I pulled over.

"What?" I asked.

"She's dying.."