Knowing You're There

Chapter 17

Emmit asked what was wrong with Star when we came in the door.  Ignored him and ran straight up to my room, slamming the door behind me.  I threw my sunglasses against the wall and collapsed into my bean bag chair, crying so hard that it seemed impossible to stop.  I tried to breathe through the tears. 

“Come on Lia, pull yourself together,” I told myself. 

Yet every time I thought I would stop, the thoughts of living without Star and having to use my cane again came rushing back.  I curled up into a ball.  My best friend in the whole world was sick.  She was going to die in a month and there was nothing I could do about it besides drug her up and make her feel even sicker. 

My phone buzzed again and I pulled it out of my pocket.  There was yet another message from Kurt.  I pressed the main button and listen. 

“Lia, I’m worried.  Please get back to me soon if you can.” 

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and instructed the phone to call him.  He picked up after the first ring. 

“Lia?  What’s going on?” he asked. 

I took a breath and said, “Star had a seizure so we took her to the emergency vet and she got an ultrasound and they said she has cysts on her stomach and her liver which are cancer and she has a month to live.”  I took another breath.  “And now I don’t know what I’m going to do because I haven’t used my cane in so long and I hate it and everyone picked on me and tried to take it away and I love Star and—”

“Lia, you need to try and relax,” he said calmly.  “I just want you to breathe right now.” 

I took the phone away from my ear.  “Breathe?  How the hell is that supposed to fix anything?” 

“It will help you relax so you can talk to me better, I promise,” he said.  “Now, just breathe in and out really slowly.” 

I did as he said, and no my surprise it actually worked.  My body unclenched and stopped shaking.  The tears stopped flowing.  I leaned back in the beanbag. 

“Do you feel any better?” he asked. 

“I do.  Thanks.” 

“So what is going on, exactly?” 

The tears threatened to come once again.  I held my breath, but it was useless.  “Star has cancer and she has a month to live.  I don’t know how I’m going to use that stupid cane again.  I hate it so much.” 

“Oh my gosh, Lia I’m so sorry. That’s awful.  I’m assuming that you’re not taking it very well?” 

“What do you think?” I asked through clenched teeth.   

He sighed.  “You know what?  I’ve got an idea.”  I heard him get up and start walking on the other line.  “I’ve got something that will make you feel better.”