Knowing You're There

Chapter 25

My family dragged me out of bed at around eight the next morning.  I opened my presents in silence.  There was nothing out of the ordinary: some new clothes, some gift cards, and another Rayvn CD that did apparently thought I didn’t have.  Star was able to get herself out of her bed and sit next to me while I opened everything. 

The rest of the day I spend lounging around and getting my behind kicked my Emmit in all of his new video games.  At the end of the night I started working on my third triangle packet.  There was nothing else to do.  When that was finished, I moved onto my five-page essay for English, in which I had to explain how Living Brighter, which was a dystopian, World War 3 novel set in 2050, related to modern times. 

The next morning, I got in the car without Star and Mom dropped me off at the coffee shop.  With the increase in business, Kurt’s family was adding some new food items to the menu and needed some taste-testers.  I tried a croissant, caramel crumb cake, and a lemon danish. 

“The croissant is a bit too buttery, and lemon really isn’t my thing, but the crumb cake was delicious,” I said to Melissa, who brought me a complementary hot chocolate. 

Kurt and I sat and talked for an hour or so after that.  He told me he wanted to go out for a nice dinner on New Year’s.  I agreed, and he said that the place would be a surprise. 

The next morning, I practiced walking up and down the street with my rock star cane.  The rest of the day I spent doing homework and cleaning up Star’s vomit, which graced the downstairs five times.  Mom said she would make her appointment as soon as possible.  At that point I just wanted it over.  Star’s suffering was only getting worse, and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

The day after was the same: homework and vomit cleaning.  Star’s euthanization was the next morning at eleven.  That night, I was invited to see a romantic comedy with the twins, since Sarah was too busy with Nay-Nay.  I didn’t want to go, but Mom insisted that it would be better than me sulking in the house, so I went and practiced using my cane around the house to gain some confidence, then got dropped off at the theater. 

I told the twins via text beforehand that I would be Starless for the night and thereafter, so they were waiting by the door when I got in.  To my surprise, the theater wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be.  When I walked in, I remembered my first date with Kurt.  How were we already together for a whole entire month? 

When the movie was over, the Maya and Maxi gave me a hug and wished me luck for the next morning.  I tried to force myself to smile and wound up crying in Mom’s car in the way home. 

“Star threw up twice while you were away,” she said. 

At home, Star was lying in her bed.  When I bend over, the foul smell of her vomit filled my nostrils.  Dad came up behind me as I stroked her back. 

“If you want, you can move her bed to your room for the night,” he said. 

I nodded.  “I just don’t want to make her get up and walk all the way upstairs though.” 

The rest of the night I sat up in my bed listening to Rayvn, but it wasn’t helping in calming myself down.  My thoughts were overpowering the music.  I thought of Star, laying on her bed downstairs in pain, her cancer-ridden stomach rejecting everything she ate. 

How would she know what I was going to do to her tomorrow?  The vet was going to put her into a room and give her a shot that she wouldn’t wake up from, and she had no clue.  Star was smart, though.  She had to know that she was going, right?  I picked up my phone and pressed the main button.