The City (Joe Sugg/ ThatcherJoe Fanfiction)

Chapter 54

"VidCon?" Ryder asks me as he takes a sip of his coffee.

I nod, "It's where YouTubers get to meet all of their fans. Lots of performances and signings and stuff. It's supposed to be super fun."

Ryder smiles, "Sounds like you two are going to have lots of fun then."

I nod in agreement. Joe has been excited for VidCon for the last couple of months and we are leaving for the United States tomorrow morning.

I have met up with Ryder a couple of times in the last week. I felt a bit of a duty to tell him about his brother. Even if he doesn't remember him, Jack was still his brother and you can't deny blood relations.

I take a big gulp of my hot chocolate before grabbing my handbag and pulling the brown envelope out from inside it.

"I- uh, I printed some photos of Jack off for you and your mum. I mean, he probably looks exactly like you did but I thought maybe you would want to see them." I say, handing the envelope to Ryder.

He smiles warmly at me as he takes the envelope. "That was really sweet of you. You really didn't have to."

"I know. I wanted to." I reply truthfully. I feel obliged to let them know about Jack. The happy, kind side of him. Not the sad, depressed and often, angry side of him. The real Jack.

Although, I have to constantly remind myself that the young man sitting before me is not Jack. As similar as they look they are completely different people. But, at times, I am convinced that Ryder is, in fact, him. These are not healthy thoughts.

I have to constantly remind myself that Ryder is a completely different guy. Different personality, accent, mannerisms. The only thing they actually have in common is their ancestry and looks.

I'll admit, Joe has no idea that I have been talking to Ryder. I kind of feel guilty and if he finds out it is going to look really bad but I feel drawn to the boy who has such a close, yet distant, link to Jack.

I have absolutely no intention of anything happening between the two of us. I love Joe more than the world and there is no way that I am going to let anything jeopardise our relationship.

"Riley?" 

I shoot my gaze back to Ryder, realising that I had drifted off.

"Sorry, daydreaming." I mumble, flushing slightly.

Ryder chuckles lightly, "That's alright. I was just saying it must've been hard for you. When he died.."

My heart leaps at the mention of Jack's death. I don't think I will ever get over it fully.

I nod, averting my gaze, "It was. I-I found him." I reply, lifting my mug in hopes of covering my quivering lips. Unfortunately my hands are shaky too and the brown liquid sloshes onto the table in front of me.

"I'm sorry." Ryder immediately replies when he notices my reaction, "I shouldn't have mentioned it. That was stupid of me."

I shake my head in response, "It's fine, really. I'm over it." I lie. I know I'm not but it doesn't mean Ryder needs to know.

"No you aren't." he says softly, "It's okay not to be okay."

"Did you just quote Jessie J?" I ask with a laugh.

Ryder laughs too, a big smile spreading across his face, "Was it that obvious?"

I nod, "Certainly wasn't subtle."

He shrugs, "It's true though. You don't have to act like everything is fine all the time. Life is not perfect, you are not perfect." He frowns slightly, "I mean mentally. Not physically of course. Physically you're pretty near per-"

"I get what you mean." I interrupt him, saving us both from what he was about to say.

Ryder's cheeks burn red as he focuses on the wood of the small cafe table we are seated at.

I look around, attempting to find something to talk about to break the awkward silence.

"Ever been out of the UK?"

"Unless you count the two months I lived in New Zealand at birth, no. Mum never had the money to travel. My grandparents paid for us to get here and that's about it."

I can't imagine having never seen outside of one place. The world holds so many amazing cultures and experiencing them is something I always took for granted. 

My parents idea of treating me was to go on 'family vacations'. Most of the time the holidays were actually business trips that they had to take me on because the nanny was too busy to look after me.

I was always priority 247. Never at the the top of the list. There was always something more important than me to be dealt with. I guess that is why I resent my parents so much.

"That's a shame. You'll get to travel one day." I respond after a moment.

Ryder just shrugs, "I hope so. Won't be for a while though. I struggle to pay rent, travel has to go on the backburner."

I frown, I always took money for granted. The idea of not even being able to pay rent seems ridiculous. 

I guess I am extremely spoilt. It's like the girls back in New Zealand used to say behind my back all the time.

I have never known what it is like to be fully independent. I will always have my trust fund to fall back on. I will always have a backup plan.

But there are so many people who have it much worse off. Like Ryder, they work multiple jobs and  still struggle to make ends meet. I can only imagine how hard that must be.

I glance at the clock above the counter and sigh, Joe will be expecting me home. I have to finish packing for VidCon and I bet Joe hasn't even attempted to pack yet.

"I should probably head off." I say, averting my gaze back to Ryder.

He nods, "Me too. I have to get home."

I smile slightly as we both get up and head towards the door. Spots of rain immediately hit my face as I emerge into the street. Typical.

I turn to Ryder, "See you when I get back?" I ask him as I pull my coat around me.

Ryder smiles, "Of course. Have fun, okay?"

Without thinking I pull him in for a short hug. "I'll miss you Jack."

The words tumble from my mouth before I can stop them. Shit.

"I-I meant Ryder." I stutter as I pull back from him. His eyes are slightly wider than usual as he tries to compose himself.

He nods, "Honest mistake." Ryder mumbles as he glances awkwardly at the pavement. "See you later Riley."

With that he's off and I'm left standing there feeling like a complete idiot. 

I honestly did not mean to call him Jack. It sort of just came out and now I seem stupid and he probably thinks I have myself convinced he is Jack.

Way to go Riley. Way to go.

A/N

Sorry for taking so long to update.

I go back to school tomorrow after three months off (summer holidays) :(

So.. that means my updates may become less frequent but I will try my absolute hardest to keep up!

VIDCON!! Jiley are going to VidCon :) What do you think will happen at VidCon??

Also, thoughts on Ryder's character so far?

Anywho... You know how it goes. Vote/Comment/Follow me. All the usual thingmabobs :P

Last, but not least..

Love you all! xx