Sad poems

The rise and the fall again

I have been trying to wade off this sick feeling by keeping myself busy

And now I don't feel like doing that

The ways to take my mind off things

What difference is it gonna make

I am still gonna think about stuff

I am still gonna worry

I am still gonna crave for things, I don't have

Even being busy won't make the feeling go away.

This is a horrible thing I am doing to myself

I don't even have words to channel the blame

It's just crushing me to pieces

I don't know from where this feeling came.

I haven't slept good in few days

I end up waking up, again and again

I get so scared of my subconscious

Which brings back all this pain.

I fight this despair with all reasons and logical explanations

While I am awake

I am better at winning arguments in my mind

But still they don't go away.

The feeling come rushing back to me

When my conscious mind sleeps

I still believe what I am doing is right

But I wonder how long it's gonna be OK.

I know it's a test

To know my best

To see how capable I am 

To see how worthy I can become.

Still what seems best right now

Is to take some pills

And sleep myself off

To dreamless, non-scary, eternal world.

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i wrote it really long time ago, i am not very pleased with this, but i didn't want to delete it either.. sorry if you don't like it,