secret - sm (rewriting)

thoughts || six

5 months later

Angela

You know that feeling when your whole world just crashes upon you and that suffocating feeling you get like your losing you're breath. Today was a day like any other day that ended in misery and pain I can't even comprehend, I can't control all of these feelings inside I want to fucking explode!

Today my whole life ended. People might say I'm being overdramatic about this but I'm not. I am going to complain about it because not only I can do whatever the fuck I want, I can be entitled to my own opinions thoughts etc.

I'm being shit talked and bombarded by girls and women with hate wherever I go, whatever I post. I know, I know if I was a fan I would go all crazy but why me?

Talk about Kim K or some shit but not me! I didn't do anything. Well I did Cameron but that's not the point!I don't think anybody deserves hate except for the people who actually fucking deserve it like Trump.

I am hurt that just because I'm "basically" with Cam I get shit thrown at me by his fans. You can hate on my page but why throw shit at me? What I do?

Today a fan had thrown her soda on me.

Then shirt was fucking white. I am mentally unstable. It was my favorite. It was a white crop that said "yeezus" on it. The twelve year old threw strawberry fanta on me!

This rant in my head has gone on for too long. Do something with your life Angela.

I got out of my thoughts. I walked into the kitchen and I saw Cam enter my house.

"Baby!" He was back from all the touring.

I jumped in his arms and he kissed me all over my face.

"Missed you. Its been three months without you." I started tearing up a little bit.

"I'm here baby I'm here." He kissed my forehead.

"Let's go and have some fun shall we?" He winked.

"We shall." Then he led me to my bedroom.

Shawn

I'm a fucking mess. I need her. She is my whole aspect on life. My purpose. If I can't have her what is life. Why is it worth living if I don't have her to wake up to in the morning? I miss her kisses, I miss her everything. Its been five long months. I haven't seen her. But I did recently move to LA.

I wanted to be free. I'm lying to myself. I moved her so I could see her occasionally. My love for her is unconditional. I'm still oblivious of the pain. I know she doesn't have feelings for me anymore, she made her relationship with Cameron official five months ago.

I have no world without her. I don't care if she doesn't but I love her. I love her so much, I can never replace a girl like her, she's amazing the best thing to ever be brought into the world. I need her and I'm going to do whatever it takes for her to be with me. Be mine again.

I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and put one in between my teeth, a metaphor. John Green is the best author next to J.K Rowling. The Fault in Our Stars. Angela reminds me of Hazel. I want to be her Augustus. Fuck Cameron.

I wonder if she dreams or thinks about me often. I despise Cameron. I mean he's kind of my friend but I hate him. He's older than her too. Four years I think. But age doesn't matter, I'm just mad. I'm thinking of ways to shit talk him but its not gonna make me feel any better.

The cigarette in my mouth, I'm not giving it the power to kill me but I'm letting Angela do it. She's killing me.

She should be charged for stealing and murder. She stole my heart and broke it, she tore it apart.

Cameron

We both got our of the shower and changed into out pjs. Angela was wearing one of my t-shirts, she looked so beautiful.

Shawn has been trying to contact me to get to Angela but she just doesn't want to talk to him. She just doesn't want to hurt Shawn anymore.

I'm Shawn's friend of course but he needs to back off my girl. I don't care that Shawn was with Angela first. I have her now so why does it matter.

Fuck Shawn Mendes.

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boring chapter what should happen next?