secret - sm (rewriting)

forgive me please || eleven

Angela

I was still waiting for an answer, he was just looking at it. Even though I fucking hate him, he needs to accept that this is our fucking fault. Well it's mine. " If you didn't cheat on me, well I would have been thrilled to have your baby! I don't care if you want it I'm keeping it!" I spat, not taking the silence anymore. He looked up, got up and hugged me. "Forgive me please, I don't want the baby to have a broken family, forgive me, give me a second chance I'll fix all of this." he said softly.

"No cheating cannot be fixed, no matter what, whatever happened happened, there's no changing it at all." I said removing from his grip crying too. "Please promise, even if we're not together can I at least be at the appointments?-" he asked. "I want to be there, it's my first child. Our child. I looked at him, his hurt eyes looking at mine, "Fine." I said Cameron's smile letting up.

"Even though I made a huge mistake, I'm going to get you back cause I love you, I'm going to fight for you no matter what." He said hugging me and lifting me up. "Woah someone's excited for this baby." I said laughing.

"Hell yes! I'll have one out of six Cam Cam's running around!" I giggled, he was referencing his Q and A video. Soon a ring went through my phone it read Shawn.

Shawn
I'm coming to pick you up rn you ready?

Angela
Um sure can you buy me chettos plzz?

Read 3:43 pm

Asshole, Shawn left me on read he better buy my chettos or I'm not getting in the car. "I have to go soon Cam. My rides almost here." his smile fading away. "Shawn's picking you up?" he asked, his voice laced with jealousy. "Yeah I'm staying on his couch."

"Can I kiss you? One last time? I know what I did can't be forgiven can I kiss you please? Before you go?" I nodded.

He lifted my chin up kissing me softly, the sparks we once shared were not there, I kissed back, in guilt but soon pulling away to the sound of my phone ringing. "Fuck Shawn's here I gotta go." I hugged him.

"I wish you came back, can you please stay over? So we can talk some more? I love talking to you. Can you say you're at Suede's?" he begged. "I-I don't know."

"You're stuff is still here, please?" he got on his knees begging for me to stay. "Erm fine just buy me chettos? I answered. "I'll get you a tiny bag cause the baby." he was still on his knees, he lifted up my shirt and kissed the baby, Cam whispered something that I couldn't hear.

Cam got back up and went to the bathroom, I got the sonogram, took a picture of it, the sent it to my mom. She was very happy for me, very supportive as well. Cameron came out of the bathroom, hugging me from behind. "Can I announce I'm having a baby please? I literally told my mom while you were in the bathroom."

"Let's take a picture." he got out his phone tripod and placed his phone, putting it on his nightstand, and turning on his timer. His hands went from my hips to my stomach, the both of us smiling. The picture clicked and we stopped our poses.

"I'm posting it!" Cam said in a girly accent. " I'm gonna post the sonogram." I replied.

-

I told Shawn that I was staying here, I told him the truth and he shrugged it off. I could tell he was angry with me but I did this so I have a friendship with him, and nothing would be awkward between us.

"It's time for me to sleep." I said walking then plopping on the couch. "What are you doing? You're sleeping with me." I gave him a 'did you just' look. "No I don't think so get Yanelly or something."

He sighed and walked back to his room, mumbled a goodnight before he slammed his door shut.

I honestly can't be with Cameron again. What he did was painful to my heart, it still stings.

I'm starting to like Shawn, he's so sweet in letting me stay at his house.

It was awkward at first. But I learned to get used to living with Shawn. He would just be overall nice to me knowing I was hurt.

Shawn would make me muffins every other morning, I would tell him to be Benito, he would just pose funnily and we would just joke around.

I love how he concentrates when playing the guitar or singing, his neck veins are daddish as fuck. Him encouraging me to eat is great, he always cheers me on.

I just know he feels bad for me and whatever he has for me is gone. I hope he isn't too mad at me.

I'm glad I'm having a baby, I just don't know, it's just that thing you feel, a mothers unbearable happiness.

I hoped long ago that this would be Shawn's baby, maybe he would have cared enough to pay attention to me.

All I wanted was attention, from both my lovers new or old. I just wanted Shawn to see I was in pain, he didn't realize till it was too late.

My heart still aches for the loving I always wanted, but never got, Cameron didn't completely fill the hole in my heart that ached for Shawn.

I'm guilty. I'm guilty for being scared to say something. All I do is cry over what I could have done but I was afraid to do it.

I can't see this horrible pain I've inflicted on myself, I died without even knowing it.

These people, the people I love were mourning for me. Cause I changed. I died because of Shawn.

I always knew I wasn't myself, I could feel it. It sucked hiding you're feelings in when you want to fucking burst.

I guess it's the people you love that ruins you the most.

-

So yeah the ending
got kind of deep

I don't know what I should do next

Ideas??