I Left You This Box

For Camila

I'm not sure how much time we have, or when you'll be reading this. I hope it's not as soon as I think...

Chris has the rest of my letters. I've made them for everyone, though you have the most. He'll give them to you when it's time.

I hope you're not mad at me. I wanted things to be different for us. I wanted to grow old in that stupid small apartment we used to live in together, even though it was cramped and the stove never worked and Benji always chewed up my socks... I secretly have always loved that dog, even though it's the spawn of Satan. You can tell him I said so.

I hope that when you're reminded of me, you smile. Whenever you pass my favorite restaurant on karaoke nights, or when Dinah makes fun of Ally's height (which I've asked her to take over for me). I just want you to be able to think of the things we did together, and all the happy memories we had without turning them into something negative. I want you to be alright.

Most of all, I hope you don't stop loving me. Because I never stopped loving you.

I don't know when I'll get to see you again (apparently I don't know a lot of things). But I can promise you I'll always be there with you, even if it doesn't feel like I am.

I know this sucks, and I wish our situation could be different, but unfortunately there's nothing we can do to change this. I want you to stop doing your research and drop out of that stupid college because I know you don't want to be a doctor, Camz. You hate the sight of blood and people simply cracking their knuckles grosses you out. I know you love music more than anything, so please.. do what makes you happy. For me.

I love you so much. I could never express how much I love you while I was still there, and for that I'm sorry. We'll find each other, I promise.

Love,

Lauren