It's Just Kisses ⇢ Isaac Lahey

{18} BATTLEFIELD.

{18} BATTLEFIELD.

'Guidance Counsellor'

"You know when you're drowning; you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's - it's actually kind of peaceful." I say playing with my fingers that are placed on top of my lap.

"Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" Ms Morrell asks me. I didn't sign up for counselling they figured out that it was best for me.

"Yes. I mean all his life he felt like he was drowning even when he was falling asleep. I don't feel sorry for him, though" I say with no emotion coming out my mouth. I could see Matt drowning in the back of my head.

"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?" She asks me.

"Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And by the way, Stiles's father told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her, though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train." I stop for a minute before continuing.

"I just feel sorry for him sometimes, but overall I don't. I mean no one was there to support him, and he felt like it was his own fault, and I guess I understand how he feels. I feel like maybe if someone was there to talk to him about the stuff he has been through it might've had a better outcome, but nobody actually spoke to him. Yes, he was crazy, but sometimes the things that happen to people are what cause them to become crazy and manipulative." I continue talking.

"Why is that you feel like this? Especially about this situation?" I think before answering.

"This stays between us right?" I ask her, and she nods.

"Well my mother died a year ago before I moved to this school and it had an enormous impact on me because I thought it was my fault that she died. I mean she wasn't getting better being in a coma and all so one way or another she had to die. I was crazy after that because I was the one who pulled the plug to her life support not my father but me. I just felt like she was watching me everywhere I went. One day I went to school, and I went mental. I felt like everyone was talking about me. I went to a chemistry classroom and started creating a fire bomb from what I had researched online. I created 4 of them and threw them all over the school canteen where some kids were. They called the police and everything, but I only had community service to do for the whole six months considering everyone knew what situation I was in. I just feel like circumstances make a person who they are I mean if it wasn't for that then I could be an entirely different person." I say tears start falling down my cheeks.

"I understand what you mean." She nods and continues speaking.

"How are feeling about tomorrow? Feeling some anxiety about that championship game?" She asks looking directly at my eyes.

"Kind of - I mean it's my first game. One of my teammates is dead and another one's missing, so even if I were there we would probably still lose. I guess hopefully Stiles can play considering he is always on the sidelines."

"You mean, Isaac. What's your relationship with him? I haven't seen you two together."

"We normally are together outside school hours, but we're close," I say.