Faded (A Harry Styles Fanfiction)

Epilogue

Finley died exactly two years ago. I don't remember exactly how she died, something about jumping off a bridge while intoxicated. I try to not think about it much. I don't remember how long I cried, or if I ever really stopped crying. I stopped by at her funeral and I only saw a young boy there, which made me cry harder. I can't say I didn't see it coming, because I did.

She died only a month after the last time I spoke to her. People say it was because of the stress of the school work, but I'm smart enough to know it was something much bigger than that. I saw her in class only a few times and I could tell she wasn't the same. When she actually did show up the class, she'd sit in the back and read. When I found out she died, I went to class that day and sat where she used to sit and cried in class. I'm sure people around me noticed by no one said a word. 

It's been two years since she has died, and I still have yet to find someone as smart as her. Someone with bad music taste but also likes my music. Someone who can show so much passion about something when they talk about it, when her eyes lit up when she talked about something, even if it was what she ate for breakfast that day. The week she died, her eyes seemed cold and dull.

I hope she didn't realize how often I watched her, or maybe she did and she would laugh about it to all her new "friends." The thought made my stomach turn but after crying about it for awhile, I realized I needed to stop feeling bad for myself. I see her "friends" around campus a lot, and they all seem happy. And by happy, I don't mean like the fake happy which I saw with Finley for awhile, I mean happy like they act like nothing happened. I hope she realized how much she impacted at least a few lives in her lifetime, even if she didn't see it at first. 

Times like this, I hope a heaven is real and that she went there. I wish she could look over me and realize how much I did care about her, even if she refused to believe it. 

I told my mom on the phone the night I found out, and she cried with me. I hope Finley was listening to our conversation, because I know she would wish she hadn't of been so selfish to leave. I wish I would have gone up that boy at the funeral and asked who he was. I guess I'll never know, so that's just one more thing to add to my list of regrets. 

After the first few months of being alone, I almost considered taking my own life. Do you hear that Finley? You fucked me up so bad I almost considered being as selfish as you. I stood on top of that same bridge you jumped off of and looked down, thinking about how easy and painless it would be. But then I sat down and cried, again. I knew I couldn't leave my mom and sister. I wish when you were standing there, you would have thought about me and that would have been your reason to stay. Or maybe, you did think about me, and I was your reason to jump.

But I guess, nothing gold can stay.