Tears

05 » tainted

.... { " I am miserably tainted by life. " }

After what I would call the most embarrassing moment of my life, I left the restaurant. I arrived out the front of my house and sighed, realising that I was alone once again, so I killed the engine, limped up my driveway and went inside. The house was dark and cold as I entered. The electricity was probably cut off from the unpaid bills.

If I didn't get a job soon...

I shook my head and went to my room, brushed my teeth, dressed into my pyjamas and carefully slipped underneath my warm duvet. As I slowly drifted to sleep, an image of Chris lingered in the back of my mind. His light brown straight threads of hair, his dark green eyes, his thin pink lips, and his strong jaw were all I could think of. I know he said he was fine about the whole ketchup thing, but I still felt guilty. I was so clumsy and made a complete fool of myself. What a first impression I made.

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The next morning the house was empty as expected, so I did my usual morning routine and got ready for school. I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and my car keys and left the house. Driving to school seemed much slower than usual. Maybe I was driving a little slower so I wouldn't have to be at school so quickly. Maybe I was taking the longer route because I didn't want to face anyone. I was a clumsy mess; I was that somebody who messes up the first chance she gets.

In what felt like hours I finally arrived into the schools parking lot. My hands tightened around the steering wheel causing my knuckles to go white. I dreaded every slow second I spent staring at the large building. It was such a huge school, filled with big crowds and narrow hallways. I felt a heavy weight suddenly forcing itself on top of my chest and I found it hard to breathe.

Just breathe... I told myself multiple times and I swallowed the rough lump in my throat before getting out of the car and bolting towards the building, hoping and wishing that the day would pass by quickly.

Keeping my head down I squeezed past the suffocating crowds towards my locker, but didn't quite make it as I was roughly pushed to the ground. I looked up to find a tall, skinny girl standing over me, a dark smirk on her lipstick-covered lips. I stood up and faced her, keeping my face blank. I recognised her as Aubrey, one of the popular girls. She folded her arms over her chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there." She said, sarcasm dripping off her tongue.

"Don't worry about it." I told her slowly.

"I won't." She gave me a toothy grin, her eyes narrowing slightly. "So how's your mum doing? Is she still in rehab or is she still a crack nut job?"

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes. "Don't." I hissed through my teeth.

"Or what? Are you gonna' send over some of your mum's drugged up friends to come and bash me?"

"I said don't." I placed my hands on her shoulders and shoved her away from me, but she stepped forward and pushed me to the ground again before kicking my in the ribs.

My lungs burned as air escaped them, my ribs stung as the pain grew. Satisfied with what she did, Aubrey left me alone on the floor as many people passed by without a second glance at me. I should've just stayed home, nobody would even notice I wasn't at school. My mum wouldn't care what I was doing because she was too busy messing around. I am miserably tainted by life and I have nobody but myself to blame.

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