jasper | part one (completed)

Chapter Nineteen

"But, I'm in my pyjamas."

I looked up at him as if he was crazy. I had just sprinted out of the house in a wild craze huffing and puffing. I was in no state to simply 'hang out'.

"Even better," he smiled, "I love the Winnie the Pooh Bear print, by the way, it really suits you."

"Shut up," I muttered, a slight blush tainting my cheeks. Who was he to mock my pyjamas? Not only was Winnie totally underrated but Tanner was the one coming over to my house at seven.

Tanner looked at me with that signature smile of his. God, if it was anyone else I would have slapped the smile away minutes ago but it was Tanner, a fucking gorgeous specimen with a heart of gold. Tanner was one of those untouchable guys that no one could ever lay a hand on, he was too good of a person to actually piss anyone off. Even me, a person who got pissed off over the simplest of things.

I puffed dramatically and dropped my shoulders, "Fine."

His face lit up and there it was. That breathtaking smile which never failed to cause my heart to skip a beat. I still hadn't figured out if it was because he looked like an angel or because maybe, possibly a little, minuscule part of me liked him. I doubted the latter.

"I thought you'd say that," he cheeked then gestured to his car, "C'mon, let's go for a ride."

"Where to?" I said warily, yet all I could think about was the fact that I was in my Winnie the pooh bear pyjamas. Don't get me wrong, any other day I wouldn't give two shits but in this oh so fine night Tanner was dressed in a designer, grey knit turtleneck jumper and a pair of fitted, washed jeans. His immaculate fashion sense did make me a little self-conscious, especially considering I was someone with no sense of anything at all.

"It's a secret," he countered and like a gentleman opened the car door for me. I looked down at my bunny slippers, well here goes nothing.

I knew it, whatever it was wasn't technically a date, but he would treat it like one. Couldn't we just be friends...with benefits? I suspected not, Tanner wasn't the type of guy to fuck a girl and be on his merry way, no Tanner was the kind of guy to cuddle her to sleep while stroking her hair and possibly singing a fucking lullaby. It made me uneasy. Not only was it uncomfortable to think about it was foreign to me.

With Kevin sex was for pleasure and that was that our love for each other was showed in other ways...like our binge watching of reality TV shows and love for manga. God, our relationship was sad. Sure I loved him, but probably not as much as I should have considering the longevity of our relationship. We dated each other because it was comfortable, we had the same interests and got on well but we never really had anything 'special'. It was just the sad, sad relationship of two friends playing video games, ordering pizza and having shitty sex.

If I were to date Tanner things would get complicated, more so than when I dated Kevin.

It was exactly why I didn't want to do the relationship thing for awhile. I needed time to 'heal' and, there were so many things I was yet to learn about the world. I didn't need distractions.

The whole two years I spent with Kevin were the blandest years of my life, I had missed so many opportunities, opportunities to grow into the strong woman I was slowly becoming... or at least I hoped I was becoming. But then again without Kevin I wondered where I'd be, maybe I would've been weaker and less aware of the world.

I was so stuck in the past that my future was running away from me, it felt as if I was constantly tredding water to keep up yet I was moving nowhere. I didn't need a relationship on top of that, I'd drown. 

I was too much wrapped in my thoughts to notice that the car had stopped, it wasn't until Tanner opened the door and called out to me for the third time that I had responded. I jumped out of the car in an embarrassed heat and muttered a quick apology. Tanner just smiled and then gently enveloped my hand in his own large one. His hand was warm, comfortable.