A Tragic Hero

Chapter 9

Sky sat perplexed in her wheelchair in front of the door to her son's ICU room. She didn't know why she felt completely terrified, but she did. What was she gonna see once the door was open? Multiple scenes floated through her mind, each of what could happen in the next minute. Some were happy, some were devastating. She couldn't wait here much longer.     Ryder should be on his way back soon. He had called a nurse to help her change into a new outfits, one she could actually leave the hospital with. She had no real desire to leave though, not if her son was staying. He then had rushed out of her room and came back a couple of minutes later with a wheel chair. She wasn't one to complain openly but she did not like the thought of being in a wheelchair, even though she was still in some pain. She had gotten on never the less and was wheeled out by him.
A doctor had been waiting for them outside, and after a brief talk about her arm and how good her vitals sounded, he had given her a release form and some pain meds to take for the next three weeks. He then headed off to check up on someone else. Short and simple, just how she liked it.
The ride to Jake's room had been too short though. She hadn't even had had time to figure out what to tell her son if he was indeed awake. Ryder was quiet as he pushed her wheelchair, probably in his own thoughts. And what were those?
Sky shook her head. Why did she care? She had too much to think about now to add Ryder to the mix. But... Surprisingly, a small part of her really did wonder what Ryder was thinking, how he was feeling. Really, why did he cared so much and even offered her this great gift of comfort? He was truly a blessing in plain view.
She stared at the door that now separated her from her precious son. Ryder had stopped directly in front of the door, said he would be back in 5 minutes, then took off, leaving her sitting here alone. She knew he would come back. Ryder wouldn't leave her to stare at this door in fear forever.
And come back he did.
"Hey, sorry I took so long," Ryder's voice reached her ears, making her turn her head to look down the hallway he was making his way through.
"I just needed to get out of my work clothes."
Ryder had thrown on a loose gray hoodie, changed into black jeans, and had slid on some blue high tops. His smile was so genuine, his light blue eyes shining, his jet black hair slightly damp. He had combed it, she realized. She smiled at his effort to clean up for her.
"It's okay," She answered him quietly.
"Alright then," he said, clasping his hands behind him,"let's do this."
Ryder then gripped her wheelchair with one hand and used the other to open Jake's door.
Sky had never dreamed of seeing with her own eyes any sight close to what lay before her as she entered little boy's hospital room.
Jake, her sweet, loving, always content boy, lay motionless on a gurney. He was plugged up to multiple devices and machines. His skin was pale. His blond hair had been buzzed completely off. His once full face was now bony. He had staples punctured in across three different sections of his ashen face. He wore a neck brace that was gripped tightly around his fragile neck. He was wrapped in a white sheet from the chest down, looking like a porcelain doll to her. His heart monitor beat slowly, the only sound she could hear now.
Sky felt her wheelchair begin to move and ended up parked next to Jake's bedside. She hadn't uttered a word. She couldn't.
"He can hear you."
She whipped her head to look at Ryder who now stood beside her. How was he so strong? Well, this wasn't his son to worry about. But still, she wish she could stand tall like he was doing at the moment.
"Who?" She questioned.
"Jake. He may be in a coma, but he can still hear you. He'll recognize your voice for sure."
"And if he doesn't?"
"Let's not be negative now."
Ryder placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. Right, she shouldn't be negative, she should be thankful. This was great news.
"You're right," She half smiled up at him.
"That's the spirit," He returned her smile. He was an angel in disguise for sure.
She gazed once more upon her son's disfigured face. Taking in a shaky breath, she spoke.
"The first time momma saw you, she thought, wow, my Jake has to be the most beautiful baby boy in the world. No one could top you or the feeling of love that overcame me the moment they put you in my arms. You were so tiny. I gave you my finger and you reached out and claimed it. I thought my heart would burst. I knew I could never let go of you. I knew that God gave me you personally and that nothing would ever separate us, not even now. Momma's here Jake. Momma loves you so, so much. You are momma's sunshine, momma's laughter, momma's helper, momma's hugging buddy, and even momma's baby to cry with. I love you as high as the sky and and deep as the big blue ocean. You are an amazing gift and I'm so thankful you are mine."
She dabbed her eyes quickly with her palm, letting all loose. She didn't even care that Ryder was still in the room with her. It was all about Jake now.
"You said once to me that if I believed hard enough, God would give me a free miracle. You're always so good at that, believing. Momma is trying and she's not gonna stop asking God for a miracle."
She half noticed Ryder as he stepped away from her side and approached one of the devises that was connected to Jake. She continued on.
"Momma wants to tell you that you can fight this. You can wake up Jake. I know you can. I'll be right here when you do wake up, okay? I'm here for you. I'll never leave you, just like God never leaves us. I love you."
A beeping noise suddenly caught in her ears.
She glanced over at Ryder who now leaned forward with his arms crossed over his chest as he stared at a now live monitor. She watched as it made little waves on its screen just as Ryder did. The machine began to make huge waves. The waves were coming faster now.
Too fast. Ryder's calm expression fell, his eyes connecting with hers in the next instant.
"What's wro-"
The rampant line suddenly went flat. A loud screeching sound started up then, filling the deafening silence.
Time stalled. Sky broke her stare with Ryder and shot her gaze back to her little boy's motionless body.
"Jake?" She whispered, her voice quivering with terror.
The door behind her swung opened and a flood of nurses entered. They began to shout out orders, scrambling around Jake's gurney, setting up for whatever they were about to do to her son. Someone gripped her wheelchair and hauled her out of the chaos.
She heard her boy's ICU room door slam behind her, her own heart ready to flat line. A loud, heart wrenching moan escape her. A second later, she straight out yelled at the top of her raggedy lungs.
"No, no! Jake! God, why are you doing this? Why Jake?!"
She gripped her head, tugging hard at her hair. She wanted to shrivel up somewhere and die. If her son couldn't live, she didn't want to either.
"Hey, stop!"
Ryder's shouted command barely penetrated her deep sorrow. She couldn't see anymore. The Darkness was so close, threatening to swallow her whole. She wanted to go now, willingly.
Yes, maybe...maybe it was the safest place for her now.
"Sky, stop!"
The darkness fully vanished. Ryder was on his knees directly in front of her. Tears spilled down his face.
He reached out and placed his large hands on each of her shivering arms. Had she almost faded away?
She felt so foolish. Ryder was still staring at her, waiting for some response from her she figured. She had none for him.
Why was he so nice to her? She was just a sorry human being who had a boat load of problems strapped to her. He didn't need to be here. He was only making her feel more sadness. He really didn't need to be here!
"Just...just go! I don't need you here."
She shook off Ryder's soothing hands, wrapping her now free arms around herself as best as she could.
Ryder continued to simply look at her.
She was going to crumble completely. She didn't want to. She never had completely crumbled in front of someone. Those were bleak moments that only she kept. She didn't want to let her load loose and risk getting hurt even more. She didn't want to risk loosing her heart again. That though was exactly what was about to happen.
She couldn't look at Ryder anymore. Just looking at him, seeing a possible new future, a bright and promising one, made her cringe. Never. She would never give her heart away again. It was broken enough.
She gazed down at her shaking form. She was truly pathetic.
"I can't go. I made a promise to you, remember?"
She tried to ignore Ryder as he moved in closer, trying to catch her eyes with his.
"I'm here for you. We'll get through this, together, one step at a time."
His words were so reassuring, so comforting and steering. He needed to stop talking. Now.
"And whether you believe it or not, you do need me here. I refuse to leave you here alone. Just like you promised Jake, I promise you, I will not leave you alone through this. I can't. I...I just can't."
She shook her head but could not utter a word.
Ryder was right. She did need him right now. He was her unmoving pillar to grip on to for dear life.
She watched as his calloused hands reached out again and lightly tugged her crossed arms straight. He slid his fingers gently down her freezing arms and clasped her hands with his. Warmth filled her, reaching to her brittle bones. It was like she could feel the literal heat waves coming off of Ryder, his assurance, his strength.
Sky finally glanced back up.
"I can't leave you," Ryder repeated as he grinned softly at her, his dried tear streaks glinting in the hallway lights back at her.
"You're stuck with me now, and until this whole situation clears out, I'll be right here for you."
"You're too good to me."
She couldn't help give a small smile at his offer.
"I want to be good to you," He commented back, brushing a thumb across her puffy cheeks, chucking her chin up when he finished. She laughed, finding a little bit of her hope once again. Maybe she could let him in. Maybe there was room for him in her heart, in her mind, in her soul.
Ryder stood up straight and made his way behind her.
"Jake's gonna be okay. Don't lose faith. God is at work."