Just Surviving (#Clexa)

Stay

Clarke POV

After the kill order was issued on my people, I had Octavia unbound and brought back to my room. She's angry about Lexa's command, and so am I, but on a much smaller scale. All I'm angry about is that I'll have to leave Polis and return to Arkadia – I'm one of the Skaikru, so surely the kill order applies to me as well.

Is that really what Lexa wanted?

'No wonder you wanted to stay,' Octavia mutters, looking around the room and taking in all the luxuries.

'Stop,' I say tiredly. 'You know why I'm here.' After stripping off my jacket, I sit down on the edge of my bed with a sigh. Octavia climbs up onto the dresser, putting her face in her hands.

'Are you okay?' I inquire carefully.

'Yeah, fine.' She sniffs. 'I saw Indra in the crowd. Why wasn't she with Lexa?'

All I know is that she'd needed to heal, and that she was very unhappy with Lexa's decision. I haven't seen her around for ages.

'Indra's not doing so well, Octavia. We can't deal with that right now.'

'Okay. So what do we do?' As usual, she's looking to me for leadership, jumping up and walking over restlessly, wringing her hands.

'I have to talk to Lexa.'

She scowls. 'You just did that and came out with a kill order on all of us,' she says accusingly. 'That's the second time that she left us all to die!'

'The twelve clans want a war,' I insist, standing as well. 'You know that. Lexa's just trying not to wipe us out.'

Octavia snorts derisively. 'Why am I not surprised that you're still defending her?'

'I'll see what I can do,' I promise, ignoring her scorn. 'Just... stay here.'

Before the girl can get another word in, I've strode past her and opened the door, disappearing into the halls of the home I'm about to leave. Searching for the girl who just banished me.

---

Of all things, Lexa is meditating when I enter her chambers.

She sits cross-legged with her back pressed to the foot of her bed, eyes closed. It gives me cause to slow as I approach, surveying her impassive face. I hate that she can be so calm after the events of the morning, even after she almost died.

'Someone tried to kill you today,' I point out disbelievingly. 'How are you this calm?'

Lexa takes a deep breath, her eyes still closed and her lips parted. 'You're angry about the kill order.' 

I can't help but tell the truth. 'Yes.'

'How else would you have me enforce a blockade?' she questions, opening her eyes to look at me curiously.

Glancing away, I shake my head. I don't know. Lexa did the best she could in the time she had, and her decision almost cost her her life. What do I really have to be angry at her for?

'So... when do we have to leave?' I mutter.

Lexa stares at me, and I realize she's no happier about this than I am. She sighs, pressing her hands to the ground and pushing herself to her feet fluidly. I have to admit that I like how far we've come. Being alone with her is a precious commodity, because it means she can show me what she really thinks and feels.

Almost sheepishly, Lexa suggests, 'We may be drawing a line, but...' Her eyes level with mine. 'Who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it?'