Just Surviving (#Clexa)

We Loved Her

Clarke POV

It's been hours. Perhaps even a day. I stand by the window the whole time, and I don't move an inch, looking out over the city as if I'll see Titus or Lexa somehow from all the way up here.

Murphy is lounging on my bed like nothing's happened, and I hate him for it. I hate him for having been involved in the first place; for having had a gun that Titus could use. Overall, I hate the confusion of the entire situation – had Lexa actually been dead, there would be some closure. Instead, I'm stuck in this room wondering what's happened to her and where her killer has taken her.

She may possibly be brain-dead... but I don't believe that. If the A.I. is only inserted after a Nightblood has completed training, the real Lexa was already there – and still is there, if I can wake her up and get her out of here.

In the distance and all over Polis, I hear horns beginning to blow. My anger and confusion rises even further as I search the darkness for a sign. Either way, tonight is the night that the peace is broken. My people will no longer be safe without Lexa in power. Aden needs to win the Conclave.

'The Conclave must be starting,' I murmur.

Rolling off the bed, Murphy strolls over. 'Cool. You see anything?'

Very slowly, I turn to glare at him, knowing my whole face must look red and swollen from the tears.

'Oh, come on,' he retorts. 'What? Bunch of Grounders fighting to the death to see who gets the A.I. drilled into their brain – that doesn't sound fun to you?'

He passes me so he can take a turn gazing out of the window, and I find my eyes automatically honing in on the bed again.

I feel like throwing up.

Just the sight of all that blood staining the sheets is a memory of the girl who laid upon them dying. The girl who I kissed for the last time, who shuddered beneath my touch, who began to bleed red like the rest of us.

Maybe she is dead. What if she's gone?

I love her. I could have told her that before all this.

You were right, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving.

I stride over to the door and begin to pound on it, shaking the handles with all my strength even though I know the wood is too strong.

'Hey,' Murphy says softly. 'Clarke...'

I'm crying again. The hot salt slides down my already tear-streaked face, and my chest feels like it's going to explode with all that I'm feeling.

'I'm sorry. I know how much she meant to you.'

I swallow, struggling to keep my voice even. He has no idea. 'This has nothing to do with me. We need to make sure that Aden wins.'

As I turn to meet the boy's eyes, I hear the rattling of chains on the outside of the doors and step back as they're shoved open. When it's Titus who enters, I instantly find myself thrusting back the tears and glowering at him with all the hate in me. He gazes back with haunted eyes, face creased from grief. He's broken by this – perhaps even more than I am.

Is... does this mean that Lexa's dead?

'What – you come here to finish the job?' Murphy mutters snidely.

Titus keeps his eyes on me. 'No,' he says, voice hoarse. 'I'm here to fulfil my vow to Lexa.'

'Where is she?' I snap. 'What did you do with her?'

'Put these on,' Titus says simply, handing both of us cloaks from where they were hung over his arm. I clutch mine with numb fingers, still searching his face for an answer, while Murphy instantly pulls his on.