Just Surviving (#Clexa)

That's Why You're You

Smut warning guys! Well, sort of...

I think you all know what happens in this episode of The 100, anyway. 

Enjoy! xx

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Clarke POV

Obviously, I didn't expect Octavia to listen to me. She's always been the type of person to do the exact opposite of what you say, just because she can. I suppose it's something to do with having been born illegally on the Ark and having to be locked away under the floor for most of her life. Now she has the chance to do things, she does them her way.

When I get back to the room, she's not there. My guess is that she went looking for Indra; a troubling thought, but I suppose she'll be safe. The General wouldn't wish harm on her.

I settle down by the balcony and attempt to structure my thoughts. Lexa has invited me to stay, and I can't deny that I want to. But... whatever Titus is telling her now surely may change her mind, right? As much as I'd like to dream that I can stay by Lexa's side and not befall any consequences, I know it's purely fantasy. The longer we're together, the more in danger we both will be.

Pike has made me her enemy for now, whether she likes it or not.

I'm disturbed by the opening and closing of my door, glancing over to see Octavia entering. She looks grim, put-off by something. I suppose Indra didn't give her what she'd been hoping for.

Quickly, I turn away, not wanting her to read the dilemma on my face; unfortunately, it's too late.

'She told you you can stay, didn't she?' she asks reproachfully. 'What did you say?'

I shrug, turning to gaze back out over Polis. 'Nothing.'

'Clarke, we both know that Pike won't obey the blockade,' Octavia reminds me earnestly. 'We need to stop him before more of our people get killed.'

I search her eyes, thinking about how much I've changed here in Polis. My love for my people hasn't shifted, and yet I'd rather stay here than actively go out and protect them.

'What if I can do more for them by just staying here?' I suggest weakly.

'You can't, Clarke!' Octavia sighs in frustration. 'We don't have time for this!'

I look away once again. She's right – we really don't. Here I am, considering choosing Lexa over my own people simply because I have feelings for her. Wasn't she the one who told me love is weakness? That victory stands upon the back of sacrifice?

Perhaps she was right.

Unexpectedly, Octavia takes my hand, and I'm astonished to see her eyes are shining with tears. 'Look,' she says. 'We need you. The kill order goes into effect at dawn. You have an hour to say your goodbyes.'

I lower my chin in a nod, even though I still have no idea if I want to leave. An hour isn't long – certainly not long enough for me to say all I want to say to Lexa. All the things I haven't already said and that I'd thought were too hard to say.

Octavia makes to leave, but turns back at the last second. 'If you're not there,' she warns me. 'You're not the person I thought you were.'

The words chill me to the bone, but I have no time to answer, because she's already left the room. Maybe she's saying her own goodbyes. Or maybe she's heading straight down to the horses to wait for me.

An hour.

It's best I don't waste any of it.

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