Unforgivable

Chapter Twenty

"Mum..."

"It was you? This whole time...I thought..." Suddenly she began to hyperventilate. I quickly dropped everything and rushed to the kitchen and over to the cupboard to grab a brown paper bag. I darted back to the living room and handed it to her. She took deep breaths and panted into it, bending over to try and catch her breath.

I watched her worriedly, the feeling of guilt instantly shrouding me. "Please, breathe mum. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"It was you," she muttered quietly into the bag, her voice muffled. "You did it..."

I frowned at her shaky tone.

"This whole time...I thought someone had broken in a-and...oh God!" she breathed heavily again and I rushed forward to rub her back. The sound of her retching and gagging for air really concerned me.

"I can explain, really..."

She winced away from my hand and I froze. Was she really that repulsed by me?

"David is dead...y-you..." she looked up at me. "You killed him...and I didn't even know...all this time..."

"Mum—"

"WHY!"

I winced at her words. She brought the bag away from her face, tears streaming down her cheeks as she gaped at me in horror.

"Why Stace? After all he did for you...a-and you..." she released a shaky breath. "You let me believe it was someone else! You comforted me, knowing the truth all along! Even the police...no-one told me..." She lunged forward and gripped my shoulders, shaking me in exasperation. "TELL ME STACEY! WHY DID YOU DO IT?"

"BECAUSE HE RAPED ME!" She froze with wide eyes and her breath hitched. "He raped me...more than once," I muttered, looking down in defeat. Finally, after all these years, I was coming clean to my mum. Something I never thought I would tell her was slipping past my lips like running water. "Since I was young, he molested me...whenever you weren't around."

She watched me in silence, her mouth agape in utter shock and horror.

"I couldn't say anything. He threatened me every time, and he would have done it again that day...but I...I-I stabbed...I stabbed him." I felt the tears leave my eyes and looked at her pleadingly. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It was self-defence...but if I didn't do something, he would've hurt me again."

Her eyes never left mine as I poured my heart out.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. Having to pretend everything was okay and forcing a smile at everyone. I haven't been happy for ten years...I...I just..." I hiccupped a sob and my vision went blurry from the excessive tears. "I wanted it to stop...a-and that was the only thing I could do. He said he would've killed me so I...I beat him to it." I looked mum firmly in the eye and declared loudly, "I killed David."

Her grip on my shoulders was tight, her hands shaking uncontrollably. The speech had been snatched from her, all she did was stare with wet eyes and a shivering mouth.

Seeing her this way was literally breaking my heart. I released a shaky breath. "It was either him or me, mum..."

She finally moved, covering her mouth and shaking violently with sobs. Suddenly she got up and rushed out the room. I stood up to follow her but paused when I heard the bathroom door bang open, and the sounds of her vomiting violently. I sighed and collapsed on the chair, not knowing what to do.

The plan was to get this trial out of the way and keep it from her. It was easy to keep it from her before; she was pregnant and wasn't allowed to travel, which allowed Aunt Pauline to fill in her spot for the trial. Mum would have been none the wiser. If only Mr Lawrence didn't call so early to confirm the trail...if only I was here to answer the damn phone...mum would have still been clueless. She would still have believed a complete stranger had broken into the house and murdered David that day.