Unforgivable

Chapter Fourteen

His hand proceeded to go lower and lower, until eventually...

I held onto it with a firm, sudden grip.

"Wait, stop." I muttered onto his lips. I opened my eyes once again to witness that he was staring right at me. "I don't wanna do this." He nodded slowly and I climbed off of him. Sitting back into my previous position, I cleared my throat and stared at the tv. I was unable to look Brian in the eye, not after what had just happened. My heart thumped again and again in utter embarrassment. The room fell eerily silent, even with the TV on. How could I allow something like this to happen? Like, why would I even request another boys lips?!

Am I that desperate that I have to ask for affection?

"I'm sorry." I muttered, feeling ashamed that I had even considered messing with him in such a way. He sat up and brushed my hair back gently.

"Don' be, I know how ya feelin'," he replied with complete sincerity. I swallowed hard and relaxed.

"I dunno what's wrong with me. I miss me mum, and London - I just wanna go back." I tucked my legs beneath me and fiddled with my fingers. He was silent for a moment, then pulled me closer and sighed.

"Is that th' main issue then? London?" I nodded slowly.

"Things were so much better for me there. My school, friends, job... I had a good life."

"And wha about now?" I shrugged. I actually didn't know about now. It was obvious that I was just trying to cover up my despair, just to make my mum happy. Truthfully I didn't want to stay here longer, but it's not like I can just leave my mum here on her own, not in this state anyway. When we first arrived back, things were great. Saw family, met old friends, everything. However, lately, I had come to the realisation that I didn't even belong here. I was no longer a Mancunian. Since the tender age of 9, I had transformed into a Londoner, and I don't think I could ever change back. It wasn't so simple. I looked Brian in the eye and frowned slightly.

"Now, I'm not happy." I finally answered. He nodded, taking this all in.

"Y'know if ya tell Chelle, she's gonna be gutted." He replied quietly.

"Yeah, I know." I could never tell any of the family about this. They believe I'm happy, they're all convinced that I was living the life here. Yeah, back in London I had David and his demented behaviour to deal with, but at least I was always accompanied by my friends on a day to day basis. Plus I was doing so well at my job (even though I was hardly there). What about Javon? How could I ever forget Javon? He was my everything, and I just left so suddenly. And at what cost? To come here? Bloody hell.

"You should tell ya mum about this."

"Can't, she thinks I'm happy here." I sighed deeply and tucked the stray hair behind my ear, before facing him once again. "I'm sorry about this, you don't understand how much I've missed having male company." He shook his head and smiled weakly.

"Forget about it." He muttered. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed deeply.

"I wonder how me mums doing." I said, exposing my inner thoughts aloud. No doubt she was probably sat up in the hospital bed, sipping some tea, 2 sugars, watching a good old episode of Corrie. I laughed to myself; she really was a remarkable woman. Her boyfriend was murdered, she was left without any real male support on her unborn child, her daughter is a jackass and she had been brutally attacked on the street - yet she still had the energy to smile. I envied her for her optimistic views on life. No matter what happened to her, she still managed to smile. Brian kissed my forehead lightly.

"I'm sure she's alright." I nodded slowly and we spoke. Just spoke for ages, about anything really. It was good to let out some thoughts and feelings to something other than my diary. He was really supportive, and listened to everything I had to say. In the end he fell asleep on the sofa. Probably bored out of his skull from my constant badgering. I laughed at my thoughts turned the light off. I went to the cupboard and pulled out a thick blanket, then covered him with it. I couldn't help but watch him as he slept. I weren't being creepy, just admiring him is all. I found him so attractive; it was amazing how I managed to restrain him earlier, despite the fact that I badly wanted him at the time. Just goes to show how much I cared about Javon. I sighed and left the living-room, closing the door gently and travelling upstairs, back into my room. I got back into bed and yawned. It was the morning already and I was still awake, this was unusual of me. I have Brian to blame. I yawned once more and turned onto my side, then eventually fell asleep with Jav on my mind.


A few months flew by quickly, and already we were in August. It was good to see that mum was well again, back to her normal self. After she was admitted out of hospital, it was as if nothing ever happened. No police were involved, no questions were asked - nothing. I suppose she wanted it that way, maybe to prevent all of the stress and worry. I can understand why she wouldn't want any controversy and/or worries. She just wanted to continue with life. I smiled at her; sat there on her usual spot on the sofa, knitting like a granny. She seemed so focused and peaceful, just in her element, doing what she did best. Maybe I should do what she done and take up a good hobby. Something to occupy my time, however, I knew I would never stick to it. The girls did say there was a gym just down the road that they had all been going to. I was always invited to join, but I would reject the offer. It wasn't my fault that I was such a lazy cow, but then again I wouldn't mind keeping healthy and on the ball. Plus, I'd love to be fit for when I saw Javon next. The irritating voice of Jeremy Kyle sounded in the background, but I wasn't watching. Instead I admired my mums knitted work, I just couldn't stop watching. She then paused half-way through and peered at me.

"You alright?" She questioned, giving me an odd glare. I nodded.

"Never better."

"Don't smile like that Stace. You been taking that ecstasy?" I started laughing hysterically.

"No mum! Just watching you knit." She chuckled lightly, resting the newly-knitted cardigan on her overgrown stomach. The fabric appeared nice and soft, a nice pale pink colour.

"I can't wait till she wears this," she said, referring to the baby. I nodded in agreement.

"By the way, I?ve been thinking of some names." I cleared my throat and retrieved the A4 paper that I had folded and placed in my pocket from earlier on. She raised an eyebrow.

"You wrote them down Stace?" I nodded eagerly and scanned through the list of many possible names.

"Alright, I've got: Amber, Aaliyah, Andrea, Anna-"

"Wait, this is alphabetical?" I laughed and nodded.

"Anyway: Anna, Becky, Brooke, Caitlin, Cassie, Courtney, Destiny, Deborah, Elizabeth, Emily, Erica, Faith, Gabrielle, Grace," I turned the page over and continued, "Hannah, Hope, Jade, Jasmine, Jessica, Katie, Kassidy, Kath-"

"Please, stop." I paused and turned to her, looking worn out and exhausted from all of the names. I laughed and grinned.

"So, which one?"

"Stace... there's too many to even consider. How about you give me the paper and I'll decide later on, okay?" I rolled my eyes.

"Alright," I handed the paper over and sighed.


It was a warm Saturday afternoon. After I had packed my bag and left the house, I met up with Tracy and Georgia at the local bus stop. They were both sat there waiting for the bus, all dressed in appropriate attire. They saw me approaching and smiled. We greeted and soon caught the bus all the way the Virgin Active Gym, didn't take too long to reach either, roughly 10 minutes. We all carried our gym bags inside and left them in the changing room.

"Where's Danielle?" I questioned.

"She should already be here." Tracy peered at her watch and shrugged. We all headed to the main gymnasium. It weren't as packed as I had expected. Men were scattered all around the place. Many of them grunting and sweating buckets as they performed their individual tasks I peered around feeling quite lost and not knowing where to begin. I could never imagine myself with various muscles and a throbbing 6 pack, nah, that wasn't me at all. It took me alot of thinking to even come here. Georgia tapped me on the shoulder.

"What's wrong? Scared?" I shook my head.

"Course not," I smiled.

"Good, cos you're not getting out of this one. I'm gonna make sure you get a membership deal." She grinned and I frowned - oh dear.

"Look, there she is," Tracy pointed over to the treadmills where Danielle was seen jogging at a reasonable pace, listening to music through her earphones. We all approached her and watched closely.

"Hey Dan," I said. She couldn't even hear, she continued to look straight ahead, out of the open window, jogging and panting.

"Danielle?" Georgia raised a brow suspiciously.

"She can't hear us." I concluded. Tracy smirked.

"So Dan, you wouldn't mind if we upped the speed a little, right?" Danielle continued to jog, unaware of our existence, "No? Alright then." Tracy quickly pressed the buttons and began tampering with the treadmill. It began to speed up very quickly, causing her to jog even faster than before, soon she was running. She began to panic as the speed continued to increase. The machine whirred and reverberated. She couldn't run fast enough, and eventually tripped and rolled off of the treadmill, landing close to the wall. Everyone turned and to look at the commotion. We began laughing at the way she laid there so still on the ground. She sat up and peered at the 3 of us, eyes narrowed.

"Hey." Tracy smiled sweetly. She cursed beneath her breath.

"What the hell man, you think that's funny?"

"From my angle, it kinda was." Georgia said. I laughed and shook my head.

"This is why you shouldn't listen to music whilst on a treadmill." She snarled at Tracy.

"Fuck you." We all laughed and helped her up.

An hour passed and I was doing quite well, if I do say so myself. I was currently on the exercise bike, and have been for the past 15 minutes. I was going at a moderate pace, it wasn't hard at all. Just challenging since it's been longer than 10 minutes. I could really feel this machine taking an effect on my thighs. By the end of these constant workouts, I expected my thighs to be toned as an outcome. I peered over at the other 3: Georgia was busy on the rowing machine, grunting and yelling each time she pulled, it was funny the way she was so concentrated, her face was actually quite comical. Danielle had now switched the Cross Trainers, going at a slow pace. It was Tracy's turn to go on the treadmill. She made sure the speed was at one of its highest, and began to run. I could tell things would get ugly, she was very competitive and wanted nothing but the best. I turned away and checked how long I had been on this bike

"18 minutes? Bloody hell." I was attempting to stay on until I had reached 25 mins, but this seemed to be taking far too long.

"I'm sure you can pedal faster than that." I peered up to see a tall slim white man watching me intently. He was on the muscly side, of course. I analysed his broad shoulders and firm naked chest and shook my head.

"No, I think this is fine enough." He laughed and ruffled his golden brown hair about.

"I'm just saying, you can do better." I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you Drake?" He started laughing.

"No, better than," my face remained straight.

"How are you trying to motivate me? You don't even know me."

"I don't have to know you to know that you're lazy as fuck." My mouth gaped open. How could he possibly know?

"Excuse me?"

"I've been watching you. I've seen you stand beside every machine whilst your friends are going at it. This is like the second thing you've attempted since you've been here." I rolled my eyes, typical.

"Well this is my first time in a gym, I apologise for not going insane and trying out every possible equipment here." I replied sarcastically.

"Apology accepted." I gave him a look at he smiled in return.

"Who are you?" For some reason I liked his cockiness and egocentric behaviour. Not to mention his witty remarks and just generally being a dickhead. Plus, he was quite fit.

"Scott," I nodded.

"Well Scott, I think your opinion is invalid since you're abit of a cunt. But I appreciate your concern." He laughed.

"What's your name?"

"Stacey." It was his turn to nod.

"Right. You should go faster, Stacey." I rolled my eyes.

"If it will shut you up. I don't usually listen to strangers."

"I guess I'm special." I smiled slightly and began to pedal faster. My thighs began to ache and I got tired very quickly. Scott watched me and smiled. "Faster, you gotta push yourself," I listened to his every word and pedalled as fast as my legs allowed, until I couldn't take anymore. I stopped abruptly and panted, resting my head on the handle bar in defeat.

"See, that wasn't so bad." He said quietly.

"I guess not." I replied. I looked at the timer. 25 minutes were up. I smiled and turned to him. "Thanks."

"It's what I'm here for." I chuckled and we spoke for a while, he bought me an energy drink and we sat by the bench, chatting.

"So, do you come here often?" He ran his hands through his curly locks and shrugged.

"I have to if I wanna continue being a personal trainer."

"Oh really? That's cool." He smiled.

"Yeah."

"I suppose you suit the job."

"Course, I'm fucking amazing." I rolled my eyes, "How old are you Stacey?"

"16." His eyes widened.

"Woah. That's good, I can train you then." I raised a brow.

"What makes you think I require training?"

"I have the eye," I narrowed mine and he laughed, "seriously. Gimme your number and we can arrange it. If you're up to it." I was hesitant for a minute, and then eventually gave in.

"Alright Scott." I told him my number and he copied it into his phone then saved me as a contact.

"I better be fit at the end of this," I said, he nodded.

"Don't worry lazy cow, you will be." I watched him and couldn't help but laugh. I was so comfortable around him already, it was insane. Just then, Georgia and Danielle approached us, laughing amongst themselves.

"Stace, come quick. Tracy's gonna try the weights on the benches!" I laughed and stood up.

"This, I gotta see."


When I arrived home that evening, reeking of perspiration and victory, the house was fairly dim and quiet. I closed the front door behind me and dropped my gym bag at the bottom of the stairs and kicked my trainers off. It was now 7:03pm and my body was aching and tired, however I did feel fresh and anew.

"Mum?" I called out.

"Hey Stace!" She replied from the living-room. As long as she confirmed that she was here, it was all good. After greeting mum, I carried the gym bag upstairs and had a lovely shower. 20 minutes later, I emerged feeling even more fresh and anew. I breathed deeply and sighed.

"You're gonna be fit Stace. Just watch," I said to myself, peering in the bathroom mirror. This gym work better be worth all the hassle! I changed into some comfortable clothes and headed back downstairs to join my mum, who was sat comfortably in the sofa.

"How was the gym?" She asked as I sat beside her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and smiled.

"Really good, I enjoyed myself. Tracy was doing the weights and only managed to drop it on the ground didn't she? People had to help her up, and the weights." She started laughing.

"She is nuts."

"She really is." I said in agreement. "I also got a personal trainer."

"Oh?" She gave me a peculiar look. I nodded in verification.

"Some twat named Scott. He's really cool." 

"That's nice dear. Whilst you were out flirting with gym members, I thought of a name for little madam." She patted her stomach. I smiled, excited by the news.

"That's great. What name?"

"Lauren." I then froze and blinked repeatedly.

"Mum, that wasn't on the list." She smiled and rubbed her stomach, circular motion.

"I know that." I then tutted, unimpressed. All of that effort of creating a list, only for her to choose something completely different? God, she was difficult.

"Great." I said sarcastically.

"Look, it's either that or Chloe." The sudden thought of that bitch, Javon's sister, and my ex best friend came into mind immediately. I then forced a smile.

"Lauren it is then." I sighed. She grinned in return.

"Glad we've come to an agreement."

"Yeah yeah." She laughed at my response.

"You were always so adamant." I tutted once more.

"If that means stubborn, then you're wrong." I pouted and turned away. She smiled.

"See what I mean?" I laughed and she pulled me closer, "you'll always be my little Stace." She kissed my cheek numerous times and I giggled.

"Mum, stop!" She continued regardless and soon my cheek was wet with slobber. I laughed and pulled away, "ahh that's gross." I then wiped my cheek and she picked the remote up.

"Now keep quiet, Jeremy's on." She turned the TV up and began watching the recorded episode of Jeremy Kyle. I sighed and we began to watch. The house phone began to ring, sounding through the entire house with its loud ringtone. "You wouldn't mind getting that, would you Stace?"

"Nope." I got up off the sofa and decided to answer it in the kitchen, so mum could watch TV without any bother.

Me: "Hello?"

???: "Hello, is this Stacey Coleman?"

Me: "Who's speaking?"

???: "This is Lisa from Inner London Crown Court, South London. Is Teresa Coleman there?"

Me: "Not at the moment, I'm her niece," I lied, "can I take a message?"

Lisa: "Just to let her know that we have issued a court case involving her daughter, Stacey, the letter should arrive in a few days with all the correct details and information." My heart thudded. I then swallowed hard to cleanse my dry throat.

Me: "A-alright then, will do."

Lisa: "Thank you, goodbye." I hung up immediately and felt completely numb. A court-case? Only now? I thought we had passed this ages ago. I stared into space and felt my absent body take a seat on the kitchen chair. I became so distant in my own thoughts and immediately began to dread the worst.

Court case in London...

"Who was it?" I heard mum call from the other room.

"Wrong number..." I answered. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair worriedly. I actually thought I had gotten away with this whole David fiasco. I was foolish to think that it had all been forgotten. I should know by now that I weren't so lucky. Fuck, fuck, fuck!

What if I were to be found guilty for manslaughter? What then?

David is probably laughing in his grave right now.

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