"A rumor started a reputation that other people believed in and reacted to. And sometimes a rumor has a snowball effect. A rumor is just the beginning."
I DO NOT OWN 13 REASONS WHY
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"Tell me how am supposed to live without you Now that I've been lovin' you so long How am I supposed to live without you How am I supposed to carry on When all that I've been livin 'for is gone."
Never would I thought I'd be here. Walking down these hallways alone. Wanting to be near you - needing to be near you. I wish I wasn't there. Everyday, every passing moment is just a reminder that I have to live this shitty world without you. The corridors filled with hundreds of faces but yours weren't among them. When I walked through those front doors of the school, stares came my way. My nostrils went from freshly mowed grass to perfume and cologne of the students before me. Silence filled the school as my footsteps echoed on the wooden floor. I was now center. Walking down that long hall to my locker was difficult. Having all those sympathetic beady eyes watch my every move. The clothes I wore was nothing like I used to wear. I used to be unique in my own style, a bit of a mix and match. But how could I? How could I be myself when I can't be myself without you? This long jumper and these baggy, black sweat pants were all I could do. It was the best I could do. Maybe that was all everyone was staring at. Maybe it was cast on my wrist. But that was wishful thinking. I could swear as my head pounded down the hall, the cuts on my face were aching. Everything felt wrong. Whispers came over the silence from when I first walked in. My whole body tensed trying not to let my ears adjust to what the whispers said. But the words were overpowering my concentration for the silence I'd prefer. "She's here." "Poor girl." "She looks like she hasn't slept in days." "How can she be here?" "She's so strong." Everything in my power was keeping me from breaking down in that hallway. Hearing them and having their eyes watch my every move was just so much harder. If you were here, here with me, I wouldn't be feeling like this. Finally, the bell rang over the whispers making the students scatter in all directions and just like that, I was alone again. If I deserved anything today, it was I could be late to classes. The whispers had disappeared, the perfume and cologne still lingered in the air while silence stayed with me. I reached my locker and pulled it open after punching in the code for my lock. The door swung open, revealing my textbooks and photos of us inside the light blue door. I couldn't help but stare. You. You weren't here anymore. It was just me. Alone.
"Hey babe!" Jeff smiled as he leaned against the lockers beside mine. Smiling from ear to ear as I saw my best friend, my lover - Jeff Atkins. He smelt of sweat and cologne; both together not mixing well in my nostrils as I breathed him in. He happened to be one of the best on the baseball team - if not the best. "Hey cutie." "What have I told you about 'cutie'?" He protested, cocking his left brow waiting for my answer. "Hm Andy?" I rolled my eyes with a small turn of my lips. "It's not manly." His soft lips greeted mine for the first time that day since we'd gotten to school. Honestly, if it weren't for Mr Porter, we would of never broken that kiss. "Miss Watson! Mr Atkins! None of that in the hall." His voice bellowed over the students conversations around us. My cheeks went a rose shade of red as the students laughed at our embarrassment. Jeff just shrugged and smirked, showing his pearly whites as he rolled his eyes. "Teachers. They think we're so innocent." "I doubt that." I scoff as I shut my locker and lean back against it. "Probably just didn't want us to get further than kissing." He chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows in my direction before the bell rang - being the second cockblock within the minute. I sighed loudly as Jeff pecked my lips before slapping my arse as he jogged away. "I hate you, Atkins!" I call as he makes his way down the hall, turning back around as his laugh is heard as an echo. "I love you too!" My mouth parted in shock as a small giggle let itself out as my back once again hit against the cold door of my locker. He said it. He actually said it. That was the first time Jeff Atkins told me he loved me.
"Miss Watson." I hear as the dull colors filled the school bringing me back to reality where I was previously alone in the hall. I blink back the tears as they still built up over my vision. I swiftly turned to grab my text books out as a hand touched my shoulder. "Andrea." The voice spoke lower as I turned knowing who it was before I looked up at Mr Porter who gave me the same look each student gave me earlier. "If you want to leave-" I quickly cut him off, faking a smile. "I'm fine. I'm sorry." I responded as I moved passed him. "I'll get to class." He called my name another two times while I ignored him. Mr Porter was our school councillor. Having him want to engage in conversation with me was not something I wanted. I don't want to talk about my feelings. I don't want to cry. I want to get to class. I want to distract myself. My last few days were spent in hospital or at home. Nothing was there but memories.
