Taken - Jeff Atkins

Distraction

"It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doing it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone."

I was kidding myself to think school could help - could be a distraction. Turning every corner wishing, hoping your eyes would meet mine. But, once again, I'm kidding myself. This feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from. And I'm trying so damn hard to wake up. Trying to get my mind onto something else - anything else.
The event replays over and over in my mind like a goddamn horror movie. As if it's my favorite scene. But that's all I picture when I shut my eyes and when they open. I can't escape that traumatic scene. Forever I'll be haunted with those images.
"Andy." A male voice whispers over my voice in my head. My head rises up, noticing we're still in Ms Bradley's class. My eyes scan the room finding the one who said my name to see Justin and Zach. Justin Foley and Zach Dempsey. They were on the basketball team but were still good friends with you.
"We're sorry." Justin softly whispers as his eyes gaze over me.
"If you need anything, anything at all." Zach sincerely adds. Sadness hinting in his voice. "Don't hesitate to call."
My lips slightly turn into a sad, forced smile. Nothing came. I fear if I speak I'm going to break. I turn back to the front of the classroom, trying to focus but you're the distraction in my head.
My senses worked. I could see Ms Bradley write math sums on the board, even if my vision was blurred by the tears aching to run down my cheeks. I could hear whispers. Some about the equation and some about you. I could smell the stench of the students around me, some even using their own natural smell instead of deodorant. I could feel the smooth surface of the desk I was sitting behind, along with the slight scratches in the wooden desk from pens and pencils. And I could taste the regret of being alive without you.
The bell rang for us to head back into the corridor to switch books for the next class. Within those few minutes, I went from bad to worse. I see posters getting put up on the walls. 'Don't drink and drive'.
I stared at the poster. A long, hard look. Nothing but anger filled my body. These people were lying about you. Filling every students head with lies. And god knows they're believing them. My vision blurred with tears of anger. A scream left my mouth as I tore the poster from the wall. My breathing got faster as I went up the hallway, destroying every poster in sight about driving drunk.
"Andrea!" A familiar voice echoed the whole I scrunch the poster in my fist as I turn around. To my surprise, the halls were empty. I wasn't sure how long I was standing there tearing down the lies but long enough for the bell to have gone without me noticing. "What the hell are you doing?"
"What's it look like?" I spat, the tears continued to run down my face as I through the poster in the trash.
Tony Padilla. One of the most friendliest guys you'll ever meet. "That's for awareness, Andy-"
"No, no, no! Don't you say that's for awareness!" My voice rose with anger, my footsteps echoed as I got closer to Tony. "They put these up because they think Jeff did it! You all do!"
"Thats not-" Tony starts before I cut him off with pissed off words.
"Yes it is! That's all you guys think! And this..." I refer to the poster as I wipe the tears from my face, calming down as I do so. "This is just bullshit, Tony. Jeff couldn't - he wouldn't."
We stood in silence. I had nothing more to say. This school was a joke. Everyone in it was a joke. "C'mon." I hear as I look at Tony who motioned with his head. "We have Samuels class now."
I nodded slightly as Tony and I walked towards the classroom down the empty hall. Tony knocked on the door as it opened with a creak.
"Sorry we're late, won't happen again." Tony apologized faking a smile to Mr Samuels as he followed me into the classroom. "It's alright, take a seat."
Eyes followed me to my seat, probably staring at my tear stained cheeks and red eyes from crying in the hall.
Once again, another class where I did nothing productive. My teachers didn't call me out on it but I knew their gaze followed my every move. My eyes stayed focus on one particular desk. An empty desk. Your desk.

"Psst. Andy." Bryce whispered to me as I looked up in confusion. "What?"
He nodded his head in the direction of Jeff's desk. I looked over at Jeff who leant backwards to hand me a note; keeping his eyes forward so Mr Samuels wouldn't see. I reached forward and grabbed the note.
'3 course meal. All different places. Seafood, Italian and FroYo. You in?'
I grin to myself as I read it before looking up at Jeff.
"Date?" Jeff mouths with a hopeful look on his face.
I roll my eyes with a playful grin before turning back around and writing a message under his.
'I can't turn down free food. You do owe me ;)'
I folded the paper a few times before making sure Mr Samuels as I pass it back to Jeff. His reaction was everything. That smile grew as he read my response. His eyes literally lighting up from just my answer. And just like that, he'd planned our first date.

"Andy." I hear as a tear falls down my face, my head rises and see Bryce. I wipe the tear and fake a smile. "Hey, I'm sorry bout Atkins. He was a good kid."
Another sorry. That was it. I broke down. My breathing got quicker as the classroom started circling around me.
"Andrea." I hear Bryce say as mumbled echo in my head as my heartbeat got louder and louder until it was the only thing I could hear. I had to get out; leaving my books and my bag at the desk, I escaped with the pounding beat of my heart which felt like it was going to explode. I made my way into the hall hyperventilating. The tears streamed down my face as I collapsed in the middle of the hall. My cries surrounding me. Two arms wrapped around me, speaking in my ear, telling me it's okay. I clutched onto them like my life depended on it.
"I can't do it, Tony." I sobbed. "I thought I could but I can't."
Tony held me in the middle of the hall, letting me cry - my cries being the only thing he heard within the whole school.