Taken - Jeff Atkins

Breathe

"I tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete."

Another day of school, but this time it was different. People believed you weren't driving drunk. Whether it be one or two people - people believed. I still haven't found the courage to get into a car yet, but my time will come. I'll do it when I'm ready. I still felt your presence lingering around me, keeping me safe. Maybe it was you that stopped me from hitting Sherri.
Then I heard it again, the whispers.
"Did you hear about Sherri?"
"Holy shit, she did it."
As much as I hated high school rumors or whispers, I had to listen in. I'd put two and two together. Sherri turned herself in. Only yesterday, so word travels fast in this school.
As much as I hated to, I felt like I needed to talk to someone. Mr Porter was occupied with someone all day so...I went to find you. The one place I knew you'd be if you were still alive. Baseball field.
I sat up on the bleachers, watching the empty field once again before me.
"You know, talking to a dead guy is wacky. Even crazy." Jeff chuckles, walking along, balancing himself on the seat beside me.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched you, I sniffled and stood up.
"Maybe it's what I need." I reply causing Jeff to look over at me.
Eventually we were sitting in silence on the seats, his arm around my neck while my head laid on his shoulder.
"Missing you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do." I whisper, staring out onto the field.
"You don't need to miss me. I'm always going to be here for you." He replies, kissing the top of my head. "Always."
"But you're not here for me." I explain, exaggerating the 'here'. "What am I supposed to do now? Just live my life as if you were never in it?"
I look up at him furrowing my brows, wanting answers on what my next move should be.
"I'm always going to be apart of you, munchkin. Always." Jeff chuckles. "You can't forget that. But you need to live your life. You gotta play soccer; god you're good at that. Go to college. Get yourself a house-"
"That was our dream!" I yell at him, standing up. "Together! Ours! Not mine!"
Tears fall down my face as my breathing hitches.
"How is it fucking fair that I have to live my life without you? Huh?!" I continue to rant. "All I  wanted was to be with you. Get married, have kids, grow old and like out the rest of our days together - forever!"
Jeff reached over, his cold hands wipes away the tears on my cheeks.
"I spent my forever with you." He whispered. "And I couldn't ask for anything more. It was the best fucking forever I ever dreamed of. You're a strong girl, Andrea, okay? You can live your life. You still have me in your heart and mind. You have our memories with you, forever."
He pulled me into his chest. He smelled of grass, cologne and sweat as if he'd just finished baseball practice. I cried into him, my arms gripping his shirt.
"You know one of my favorite memory of mine was when we went to the Halloween party." Jeff starts. "You remember? We dressed up as Gomez and Morticia Addams from The Addams Family. We won best costume that night. You were smiling, I was smiling - we were both having a good time."
I sigh, wiping my eyes before looking back into his.
"To live without you, only that would be torture." Jeff whispered, his forehead pressed to mine.
"A day alone, only that would be death." I responded as he brought his lips to mine.
Our kiss was passionate, loving, hungry and sad. It felt real. I could feel him, see him, smell him - that's real. How can all the be possible if he were dead?
"Babe, you do you." Jeff whispered pulling away as he took my hands in his. "You do whatever you want to do. Do what makes you happy. I'll always be with you. I love you Andrea."
"Jeff..." I whisper as he faded away. "I love you too."
I wipe away the tears with my sleeve, knowing what I had to do next. 'Live my life'. Just like Jeff wanted. I had to live for both of us. I had to be as strong as he thought I was. He was right. He spent his forever with me and even thought I couldn't spend mine with him, it felt like forever.
When I felt confident enough, I walked back into school. Where I soon heard Clay calling my name.
"What's up?" I ask, shoving my book bag in my locker.
"Tony, Brad and I were going to go for a drive." Clay starts as I look at him. "Was wondering if you'd like to join us?"
"Clay...I haven't been in a car since-" I started as he continued talking.
"Like right now, lets just get out of here." He pushes as I furrow my brows. "Walk right out those doors."
"Clay, are you okay?" I asked, concerned for him.
"Uh...no, I'm not okay. Is that okay?" He answers with a question and a smile.
I roll my eyes, smiling back as I shut my locker.
"That's okay." I reply, glancing over at Tony and his boyfriend waiting for us. "Actually, I will go with you guys. Might do me some good to get out of here."
I walked with the three guys out of the school and followed them to Tony's car. Clay pulled back the passenger seat and Brad got in first. I shut my eyes, taking a deep breath before finding the confidence to step into the car.
I almost forgot what it was like in a car. How free it felt. How your mind can just be so at ease while driving.
My eyes were staring out the window, smiling as I took the first step to continue my life. And it was all thanks to you.

"If it hurts to look back, if you're scared to look forward, look beside you and I'll be there."