Promise This (English Version)

30. Heartache

Fifteen days had passed since the last time she saw Hamdan. Fifteen horrible, bitter days of not knowing anything about him. He kept his promise of not stopping by the stables when she was there and she deleted Instagram from her phone and kept herself away from newspapers, TV and the Internet all together. Following the same tactic every time she wanted to take her mind off of something, Sarah kept herself extra busy. She asked for more work from the agency, volunteered extra hours, worked out two times a day when she had the time and her apartment had never looked more spotless, clean and organized. She had rearranged the furniture twice and did a little redecoration. Not that anything really helped keeping Hamdan out of her thoughts, but it was better than lying in bed all day.

And then, something happened with her endurance training that she never imagined; she was dreading it. Being there was a constant reminder of what she was about to give up. She did not want to leave but she could not find another way out. She had been talking to some people in other stables but getting a new job was not going to be easy. It's not like ads are put up looking for endurance riders. Every time she arrived at the stables it was like putting salt on an open wound, but she could not just quit. She needed that paycheck to pay the bills. The Crown Prince Cup was two weeks away, what a cruel joke for her to be competing in that, to try and win his cup. Hamdan was going to be there, she was sure of it, and that made her more nervous than the race itself.

Only Tom and the girls knew about her plans. As soon as Abby came back from her honeymoon, Sarah invited her to go out for coffee and told her everything. There was no point in keeping her out of it when Tom and Erin already knew. Besides, she needed all the support she could get at the moment, the situation was very different from when she started to have feelings for Hamdan and kept it all to herself.

Her parents were the ones she was truly concerned about, she still needed to come up with some excuse as to why she would leave the stable, even more so if she got a job overseas. Seemed like the best option was telling them the truth, but only once she left F3, that would be the final point in the story of her and Hamdan. She felt it would be easier to come clean once everything was over. She did not want to disappoint them but to keep lying felt even worse.

Staring at the ceiling of Erin's living room she could not stop herself from thinking about him and how she missed his voice, his touch, his beautiful eyes looking at her, his laugh, his hand holding onto hers, his chiseled jawline and that beard rasping against her skin. Hamdan had ruined her, no one will ever come close to him in her eyes. No one will ever be good enough after she had a taste of perfection.

"This is crazy. She can't leave," Abby's voice coming from the kitchen woke her up from daydreaming.

It was Thursday night and that meant girls' night out, except Sarah only agreed to go out to Erin's apartment. She was not in the mood to go to a restaurant let alone a bar or anything like it. After a pleading set of texts from the girls, Sarah caved in, took a shower and threw a white sundress on. Abby offered to give her a ride and after a quick stop at the supermarket and filling the shopping cart with more junk food that the three of them could eat, they arrived at Erin's.

"I don't know what's worse; seeing her leave or seeing her like that," Erin replied.

Do I look that bad?

Sarah had been avoiding mirrors to keep herself from getting more depressed.

"I think she has lost some weight," Abby added.

Sarah's hands moved to her midsection.

Have I?

She rolled her eyes annoyed. That was the reason she was hesitant about meeting with her friends. She needed them to be like they always were, not to babysit her and talk as if she was not in the room.