I Am Yours [ManXBoy] BOOK 2

Chapter Fourteen: Emotions

Ethan's POV:

Music blasted my room with The Script's 'Nothing'.

Am I better off dead?, Am I better off a quitter.

Do I have to feel this?. Bakit ba hanggang ngayon things will never get better but it's always for the worse?.

I cheated because I felt like I'm no use to him. Pakiramdam ko I was a trash to him. That he will just linger on me when he needs me. That calls me when he want something from me. I don't want that.

I need consistency.

I need him everyday.

I need him so much.

Parang second option niya ako. Always busied himself with school work. He has more time with friends than me as his boyfriend.

I am a jealous person. I am possessive. I am wild and own what I own.

But I don't want to be so dramatic to him.

He can't understand me. He doesn't know what I feel.

And everything was over. Tapos na kami. Tinapos na niya. He let go, he lose his grip to me.

Because of the fact I cheated not knowing why. Jenna was my escape. She makes sure I feel better. I appreciate her effort but not as much as Riri's.

He was my goddamn drug. He injected me with poison na siya lang ang nakakaalam sa lunas.

And I missed him so much. I'm dying with his touch, with his smell, with his stares and with his body.

I need him so much. Gusto ko siyang kalagkarin pabalik sa akin.

I tried not to think of him. Not to think of him with that guy Parker.

I want to punch him so hard. I want to kill him. Gusto kong ipamukha sa kanya na hindi siya karapat dapat kay Riri. Ako lang, ako na halos mabaliw sa kakaisip sa kanya. I want to shoot him.

When he confirmed that moment I fucked him at the shower room na ayaw na niya, i just let him go. I don't even know why I permitted him that. I guess I was tired of holding on. I forgot myself. I forgot that myself needs me.

Tama ba ang desisyon ko?. Mali ba ako?. Hindi ko alam.

Love is just a game that children play...

Pfft. Just fucked word. Love.

I just have to let go. To let him be happy. Is he happy?. Mas maligaya ba siya ngayon?. He let go... Maybe.. 

Then I cried. I throw the bottle of wine I bought after I drown myself to it and it crashed.

That moment when I saw them both on Tatay's birthday, I almost want to take my gun and shoot them.

My heart always telling me that after I saw his grace and beauty that exudes.

He still looked gorgeous.

He still is my love.

When I saw him slapped Jenna I don't know exactly what it got me when I approached them. Seeing Parker shielding Riri just blows my mind.

I was the one who should do that. I should be the one who will protect. I want to shout that moment.

Instead I defended Jenna and almost in verge of tears of why I did that.

I was jealous.

I was so fucking jealous.

I told them to never return at alam ko pagsisisihan ko ito at maglalasing na naman ako kagaya ng dati.

I'm depressed for quiet long now.    But killing myself either won't solve this love problem. Pfft. Fuck that word.

I miss him so much.

" fuck!."

I resonated in my room.

I lie in my bed, been drunk and bask myself with his face after I close my eyes.
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I've been busy with my work. I divert myself from depression in working so hard and making myself productive.

Jenna and I were over. She can't accept it but I told her to back off already. I don't want it anymore. I need to relax myself.

She flew away to Italy and I don't know what she's up to.

I never messed up. Gusto kong mabuhay ng normal. Umiinom pa rin ako but for now medyo nababawasan na. I've been into a counselling. Poured out myself and Alisson, my therapist knew so much of how I should cope up. She was goddamn great of making me feel better with her therapy. It calms me.

After she told me that I'm ready and been neutralized, I thanked her.

I'm ready. I am not depressed anymore  because I can live on my own . I can breath normally again.

But he will remain the love of my life. I'm still hoping we could be together again without forcing him. Alisson said, 'it's not fair to force him. Just let it be. It's his move not yours. Just chill bro.'

I smiled of her calling me bro.

My mom would be here 2 days from now. May big event daw siyang icelebrate of being hailed as the most successful busineswoman in New York. She told me to celebrate it here in the Philippines. Pretty ironic right?

She never said a word about our break-up. Never mention any that leads to it.

I was so exhausted with my work. Since may opening na travel agency tomorrow, I checked the employees na nag-aaply and scanned their curriculum vitae's.

Then one caught all my attention.

It was from Riri.

I looked for the marital status,

SINGLE.

Pfft. I dialled the HR and told them that I will be the one to interview the employees.

It's good to know you again huh

I smiled.