I Am Yours [ManXBoy] BOOK 2

Chapter Twenty-Three: Let Go

Riri's POV:

Ethan asked me about these ring and necklace that I'm still wearing until now. I don't want to lose it neither did want to forget or throw it away. Ala-ala to ni Parker at binibigyan nito ng buhay ang mga ala-ala niya. These things personify him sa lahat ng pagsasama namin na kahit sandali lang, atleast minahal niya ako ng buong buhay niya.

"if you want to move on and let me into your life Riri, you have to let go of the memories that keeps haunting you." . He said na parang naiingit o nagagalit.

I touched my necklace and everything always just coming back. Lahat ng pagsasama namin, and it always brought me to tears. It always picks me everytime at nagsasanhi iyon ng barrier na ibigay muli ang puso ko para kay Ethan.

Do I have to?.

I don't know, coz somehow ayoko nang maranasan muli ang masaktan.

But I said it's part of being committed to someone, it's normal. How I wish I am strong at may paninindigan sa sarili. Kasi may mga pagkakataon na mahina ako, madali akong mauto ng puso o isipan ko. Minsan sinusunod ko ang isipan ko pero ang tama pala ang puso at kabaligtad naman.

Letting go, is just another way to say I always love you so...

I can say hindi ko pa kaya, pero bakit nagpapaligaw ako ulit sa kanya?. Am I so stupid?. I don't have rigid decisions. That's why parati akong nasasaktan.

Bibitawan ko ba ang mga ala-ala niya para matanggap uli si Ethan?. Kaya ko na ba? What keeps me hold on to his memories that I don't want to lose him and yet I let Ethan have me back?.

Ang gulo, hindi ko alam ang sagot. Love is a complex feeling. It will drive you crazy. It will keep you insane.

Can I have them both?. Can I keep his memory and yet love Ethan?.

I guess it's a yes. Pero these necklace and ring reminds me of him. Pero ayaw ni Ethan. He want me whole to himself. He wants to keep me to himself.

Ano ba? . Hindi ko alam.

"Ethan, I... I can't".

" you will just hurt me.". He walks away at tumungo sa kusina. Nakita ko siyang kumuha ng tubig at padabog na isinara ang ref.

He gulped the water and brushed his hair with his hands after.

I tried not to cry.

I know he is so upset right now .

Pero wala akong magawa. Dahil ayokong mawala ang tanging ala-ala niya sa akin.

" I have to go". He exited my house at narinig ko ang pagragasa ng kanyang sasakyang matapos buksan ang gate.

Feeling down, I marched outside at sinara ang gate at bumalik sa loob ng bahay.

I slumped on the bed at huminga ng malalim.

"do I have to let you go Parker?". I said to myself

Bukas na ang alis namin papuntang Amerika. Pero sa kondisyon naming dalawa, tila hindi ito ang tamang pagkakataon para lumipad na may dala dalang bigat ng pakiramdam. Maybe I'll call him now to cancel my flight, instead siya na lang ang umalis.

But he will surely will get mad at me more.

I'll just have to go with the flow. Come what may.

I pushed aside these thoughts at natulog habang yakap ko ang binigay niyang malaking teddy bear.
-

My alarm rings so loud. Habang nakapikit ang mga mata ko, kinuha ko ito at itinapon. It shut off at natulog ulit. Naalarma ako ng may naaamoy akong pagkain. I forgot to close the door of my room kaya pumasok ang amoy ng pagkain.

"shit, nilooban ako."

Alert, kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at akto na sanang tumawag ng may pumasok na lalaki na naka apron. I slowly eyes his feature hanggang sa tumambad ang lalaking iniyakan ko noon.

"Pppp.Parker?"

I saw him smiled at me habang may hawak na tray ng pagkain. He always do that to me.

" You're alive. Oh God...". I hurriedly went to him at nabigla ako ng binuhos niya sa akin ang pagkain na nasa tray.

"you're stupid, don't you know that?!".

I saw his eyes went red at kumuha ng baril at tinutuk sa ulo niya at binaril ang sarili.

I almost can't move. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Natatakot ako, hindi ako makagalaw. Para bang nawala yung pagkatao ko. Nanginginig ako sa kaba. I saw him lie down on the floor as he smiled at me while his eyes were widely open as I look at him.

I can't shout... I can't fucking move..

-
I suddenly jolted. I profusely sweat. Oh God. It's just a fucking dream.

Nabigla ako ng may tumabi pala sa akin. When he turn himself around, I saw him.....

Again..

Parker sleeping beside me. Smiling like a fucking idiot, it sends shivers down my spine. I was horribly scared. He had blood on his face.

"let go of me.".

My tears are falling obnoxiously.

"I ... I  can't..."

" fuck off! You have to let go of me!". I almost die when he shouted as loud as everyone can hear it.

I saw our hands hancuffed. I'm crying out loud while he was smiling like a devil.

"Parker....  hindi ko kaya at natatakot ako."

" please, you have to let go, I can't leave peacefully.".

"Hindi ko kaya!. Ayoko Parker".

" Please, remember I'm still here beside you everyday of your life. You have to let go of me. Love him babe. "

I cried.. I closed my eyes..

I Pray that He will give me strength. 

I just nodded at him and smiled for the last time to him. 

--

"riri!. Hey... What is wrong? Are you okay?. You're dreaming.".

" Ethan?.".

I instantly hugged him.

" are you okay? Ano bang napanaginipan mo?"

"Parker."

" what about him?. Look, I'm sorry what I've acted yesterday.. It's just.."

I cut him talking.

" it's okay. Uhm.. Pwedi mo ba akong samahan sa puntod niya?".

" ngayon na?."

" yes"

"o....k?"

-
Matapos kong nilagay ang bulaklak at ang isang kandila sa puntod niya, I said my little prayer.

"hey, I guess.. Uhmm.. Nasa magandang kalagayan ka na Parker.. Somehow, magkikita din tayo dyan. Nauna ka lang talaga. I tried to be strong for you Parker. Pinipilit kong bumangon at ngayon tinutulungan mo ako na to finally let go of you. Mahirap kang kalimutan Parker, alam mo ba iyon?." my tears are falling as I said these things.

Ethan caressed my shoulder and envelop me in his arms.

" Pero dahil sa gusto mo na pala akong maka move on totally, Parker...... I will. I'm letting you go."

I took the ring and necklace. Itinapon ko ito at finally said my farewell to him.

" I will always love you Parker."

We walked down the grassy road at pumasok sa sasakyan ni Ethan.
Walang gustong magsalita at napakabigat ng pakiramdam ko.

Ethan held my hands and kissed it while he drives and I felt ease again.