I Am Yours [ManXBoy] BOOK 2

Chapter Forty- Seven: Agony

ETHAN'S POV:

It shattered me knowing that he will not live after he would gave birth to Rithan . Yes, I decided to name our baby, Rithan.

I have to keep them both alive. I must and I will. Hindi ko hahayaan na may isang mawala sa kanila dahil ikamamatay ko. As much as I love Riri so much, I want my future baby to live and feel what it is like to dream and to love.

I vowed to keep him safe and alive. We exchanged vows and I have to fulfill mine. I tried to compose myself , shunning myself from abyss of sadness. Pero kahit anong gawin ko, nawawala ako sa sarili ko thinking solutions on how to restore Riri's life.

I want a vivacious life, lahat naman tayo pinapangarap ang masaya at walang pinoproblema sa buhay. Whatever it takes, I'm willing to take risks just to keep my love and my baby alive. Kahit makipagsundo pa ako sa kadiliman.

As much as I want to call and get help from my mom, it's like a punch for me if I'll do it and have her help. I should know, I should think of my own solutions. I'm not a baby anymore. That's just a fucked up word to inject. Pfft.

I'm so thankful things run smoothly. But still sad knowing we were apart. Riri delivered the baby but he's health was at stake. He's still monitored in a recovery state in ICU. He's much taken care of the doctor na may alam and was professional in this matter on Riri's situation. I hugged Michele for giving solution which I was really adamant.

Overwhelmed by such, I told the doctor to do anything para maibalik sa amin si Riri. It's been so long since nagsama kami ni Riri. Our baby is 9 month old already. Nasa Australia si Riri together with Michele and Caryll supporting him. Sinabi ko sa kanila na hindi ko kayang tignan siya kaya hindi ko na pinilit ang sarili ko na lumipad at makita ang kanyang katawan na may nakakabit ng mga aparatus.

Rithan was with mom in New York since gusto niyang makipagbonding sa anak namin. Andito naman ako sa Pilipinas, nagdadasal at hindi mapakali. I received a message from Caryll telling me that Riri's health is depreciating. I didn't realized I was crying like shit. I almost throw my laptop at isinandal ang likod ko sa swivel chair. This is just never ending. I'm always hurt, pain won't go. Halos yata katuwang na namin ang lungkot at hinagpis sa lahat ng lakad ng buhay pag-ibig namin. Why do we have this? Do we really deserve this?.

"sir?". tanong sa akin ng sekretarya ko.

Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko. Ipinatong niya ang mga papel na nakakumpol at umalis pagkatapos.

I dialled Caryll's number at sinagot niya after 5 rings.

"hey".

"Ethan. Bakit..... tumawag ka?"

"uhm... Is everything okay?."

It was then silence.

A long silence.

"ethan"

"what's wrong?". I asked.

"It's Riri..."

Then she burst crying. I tried to compose myself. To cheer myself up.

"what is wrong Caryll?"

"Riri's....."

"what?!". I shouted at her.

"he's... Dead". The line went dead.

So do I.

So much.

So fucking dead.

I don't know what to feel

I don't know.

My heart just shut.

My brain freezes.

It's like all of my system cooperates.

He's dead.

He's dead.

Fuck...

He's fucking dead!

"ahh!!. "

Hinawi ko ang mga gamit ko sa mesa at nahulog ang mga ito. Isang malakas na basag ang maririnig sa mga gamit na tinatapon ko. Nagwawala na ako. Ang gusto ko lang maalis ang sakit na nararamdaman ng puso at isipan ko. Gusto kong mabura ang lahat. Pero hindi ko alam kung paano. Hindi ko na kailanman maibabalik ang buhay niya.

"please.. give him back to me!. I tried to be good, I'm even better. I pray to you everyday! I do good deeds more than you'll ever know!. Sinunod ko ang mga utos mo!!. Huwag mo akong traydurin panginoon!. Alam kong totoo ka! Pakiusap ko, ibalik niyo po siya sa akin. Hindi ko kaya panginoon. Mamamatay ako ...please."

I kneel down at humarap sa altar. I cried everything , ibinuhos ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

Suddenly I became unconscious.
-

"Riri!!"

"he's awake doc".

I heard a nurse talking to someone. Where am i? hospital? What happened?.

"how are you?".

"what happened?"

"dinala ka ng sekretarya mo dito. You shut down due to extreme emotion."

I suddenly cried and punched my face. It was all sudden. This is the reality that he's gone. Riri's dead and I can't bring him back to life. I can't. I still hope I can.

Nurses were trying to calm me down. I insisted on punching my face. Until then they injected me something that makes me weak. Everything of me is immobilized but aware what is happening. I can't speak, all I did was cry.

Hoping all of these were just a dream, I closed my eyes and reminisce the memories we had.

-

It's my birthday. Or shall I say it's a halloween for me particularly. Wala akong ganang makihalubilo sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Nasa kwarto lang ako, nagmumukmok, pilit na inaalis ang lungkot at hinagpis na nararamdaman ko.

What shall I do?. No calls from Mich and Caryll. It's vague. Wala akong narinig na kailangan kung pumunta para makita ag lecheng walang buhay na katawan ni Riri. At ayokong makita siya na nakahandusay.

" anak".

Pumasok si nanay at tumabi sa akin.

" anak, hindi sa nanghihimasok ako... may dinaramdam ka ba?".

I look at her at bumangon.

" You don't know?".

" anong hindi ko alam? May nangyari ba sa inyo ni Riri?".

" he.... He's dead nay".

Biglang bumuhos ang mga luha ko at niyakap ako ni nanay.

" anak isa ba itong biro mo o binibig time mo ako?".

Pumiglas ako sa pagkayakap at nabigla sa sinabi niya.

" what do you mean?".

" kailan pa namatay si Riri? Nako anak, mahihimatay ako pag ganon!"

" he's dead nay. Caryll told me that".

" sa pagka ganun multo ang nakita ko kanina lang?"