I Get Impatient

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I finally find Coal sitting against a tree, far from the others, throwing rocks into the woods the next day. I walk up quietly next to him and sit down too. He glances at me and I see his eyes. They look almost completely black, and hunted. He drops his gaze quickly.

    “What’s up?” I ask, trying to sound casual.

    “Nothing.”

    “Breeze said I was out for six days.”

    “You were.”

    “Six days is a long time, huh?”

    “Yes.”

I sigh. Standing up, I walk around to face him. “Why have you been avoiding me?” I demand.

    “What do you mean?” he asks.

I sit down heavily. “You have been acting like I have the plague ever since I woke up. What’s up with that?”

Coal stops throwing stones and mumbles, “I have not.”

    “Yes, you have,” I snap. “I mean I’m sorry I froze you to a tree. Is that it?”

    “No. Well yes, but no.”

    “Then what is it?”

    “Nothing!” he stands up and starts to walk away.

I run up in front of him and plant myself in his way. His eyes narrow and he pushes me aside. His hand touches my burn and I yelp a little. Coal’s eyes go wide and he backs away.

    “Sorry, sorry, sorry.” He looks terrified.

I step towards him. “Relax; I’m not going to hurt you.”

    “Yeah, but I might hurt you again.” He says.

I stop. “Is that what this is about?”

Coal sighs and sits back down in defeat. “Maybe.” he says miserably.

    “Look,” I say, sitting across from him. “I know you didn’t mean to. It’s okay.”

    “No, it’s not!” He says fiercely, surprising me. “I burned you! Why are you not mad?”

    “Because you didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident, right?”

    “Of course it was.” Coal says quietly. “I would never try to hurt you.”

    “Then it’s fine.” I reason. “I’m still here, and I’m not mad.”

Coal mumbles something.

    “What?”

    “What if I do it again?”

    “You won’t.”

    “But what if I do?” He looks pained. “What if it’s an “accident” again and this time I kill you?”

    “Listen to me,” I snap my fingers in his face. “You will not. I know that.”

    “How?” He demands.

    “Because I know you, and you wouldn’t do that.” I say definitively, and grab his hand, pulling him up. “Now can you at least light the fire tonight?”

Coal recoils. “No.”

    “Why not?”

    “I can’t,” He says, shaking his head. “I- I- just can’t.”

    “So you’re afraid.”

He glares at me. His eyes are lighter, though more black than grey. I never noticed, but he has little flecks of orange-y gold in them, like sparks. How appropriate. He doesn’t respond.

He is afraid, I realize

    “Come on,” I start to lead the way back to camp, letting the subject drop, at least for now. “Without you around I’ve lost my touch for insults.”

Coal manages a weak, crooked smile. “So you’re saying I’m the only one who is graced with your talents?”

    “I wouldn’t say graced…”

We reach the others just as the sun is setting. Maple, Sparky and Terra barely look up but Steel watches carefully. Breeze is crouched over the remains of last night’s fire. I hold my hand out for Coal to stop and I walk over quickly. Breeze glances up, and sees Coal behind me. Her face lights up.

    “Breeze,” I say quietly, before she can ask him to light the fire. “Can you use your matches for a little while more?”

She pauses, and then nods in understanding. She looks worried as she pulls out the box, and I see that there are only a few matches left. “Can you get him to help?”

    “I’ll try,” I say to her and get up. “Thank you.”

I don’t eat much. I’m too busy watching Coal. The shadows from the flames dance across his face.  Coal always sits in this curled, closed off position around anybody but me. It’s literally like two completely different people. Coal the actual human being, and then the droid. CoalBot3000. His eyes are glued to the fire. He sits away from it, silent. He glances at me and I look away.

Maple and Sparky are curled up on either side of me, eyelids drooping. Terra is chattering to Breeze who laughs occasionally. Steel is messing with a small chunk of metal. The firelight reflects off of the smooth surface. Everyone- well mostly everyone- seems happy. I wish it could be like this all the time.

I sigh quietly. We’re going to have to move in the morning.  Seven days here is seven too long. I wish there was a place where no one could find us. A place where every night could be like this: Calm, peaceful, away from agents who want to torture us for no good reason.

So, basically, I’m thinking about Pluto.

I notice Terra has stopped talking. Maple and Sparky are already asleep. Breeze yawns. I splash some water from a puddle onto the fire and kick some dirt on it.

The night is cool without the flames heating my face. I shiver and pull my jacket tighter around my shoulders. I pay careful attention to not flinch when the seams run over the burn, even though Coal probably can’t see me.

I gently shift Maple and lie down. Her body heat is welcoming. She sighs contently and wiggles closer to me. I smile in the dark.

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