The Gifts We Share [A Medieval AU]

Chapter Fifty-Three - Reverting Back

Before long, Seán returns to Viride and assumes his position in the throne once again. Although the people are incredibly grateful to have him back, it brings the king no satisfaction. What's the point if he can't be with Mark, the man he loves more than life itself?

The emotionlessness is all too easy to revert back to. Without Mark there to help him laugh and smile every day, showing nothing is so simple. If he shows expression on his face, his entire court will know how much he's hurting. If he lowers the walls behind his eyes, the people will know that he's not okay. So, he hides it. He reverts back to the version of himself that Mark disliked most, but he doesn't know what else to do. His people can't know that he's falling apart at the seams.

At the end of another gruelling day, Seán heads up to his room and starts sluggishly changing into pyjamas. As he pulls off his shirt, the scar on his side catches his eye. He never told Mark that if a royal heals another royal with different magic, it will automatically leave a scar. Now, he has a marking that will always remind him of the king of Rubellus. It's similar to the scar across Mark's chest as well, albeit Seán's is significantly lighter.

Gently, he runs a finger along the disfigurement and exhales shakily. More than anything, he wants Mark at his side again. A constant reminder isn't good enough. His heart clenches uncomfortably, making it hard to breathe.

Seán pulls his pyjamas on and exits his room, making his way quietly through the halls. The path to Mark's old room is still firmly ingrained in his mind, and before he knows it he's standing in the middle of the now-king's bedroom. Most of his belongings have already been sent to Rubellus, but his bed is still the same. The layout is still the same.

Seán crawls beneath the covers, inhaling deeply. Despite being washed, the sheets still smell a little bit like Mark. With fresh tears pricking at his eyes, the king hugs a pillow close to his chest and lifts his hand. Green swirls around his digits, warm and comforting.

"Tell Mark I love him," he whispers.

——

Mark lies on his bed, lost in thought as he stares at the ceiling. The aching in his heart can't seem to go away long enough for him to fall asleep, so he just lies there and feels the pain in every bone and fibre in his body. He wants Seán back. He hates being alone.

His magic pulses in his veins for a second before flowing from his fingertips, revealing green intermingling with red. Mark nearly starts sobbing as Seán's voice enters the room.

"I love you," the king of Viride whispers, to Mark and Mark alone.

"Tell Seán I love him too," the king of Rubellus replies as the green drains from the red.

In a moment, the feeling of crushing loneliness and heartache descends on Mark once again. His mother had warned him about this several days before she died, and her words return to him now.

If you let them, those people will become your family. You do not need blood relatives to have a family.

"I should have listened to you, Mom," Mark whispers into the quietness of his room. "I'm so alone... I just want Seán back..."

When he finally manages to fall asleep, his dreams are plagued with images of his kidnappers, of Seán, and of his dead family. He wakes up screaming, which seems to be a common occurrence nowadays, and tries to calm himself down as soon as the yelling stops. Trembling and panicking, he wraps a blanket around his shoulders and wanders out of his room, searching for Seán.

"Your majesty, are you alright?" one of the servant girls asks as he passes her.

"Um, I... uh, I need..." Mark stammers, clutching at the blanket tighter. "Seán..."

"He is in Viride, sir." She sighs heavily, reaching out and touching his shoulder. "What happened?"

The king can only shake his head as panic rises in his heart. Seán isn't around anymore to help him calm down. If anything happens to him, Mark won't find out until it's possibly too late, and vice versa. The servant girl's voice grows more and more distant as he sinks deeper into a full-blown panic. He hasn't had an attack like this in ages.

The scar on his chest seems to burn as he sinks to the floor, his body aching as he tries to draw air into lungs that feel to small. Seán is gone. Someone could have taken him and he would have no idea. They can't keep each other safe if they're so far away.

Every kick and every punch becomes increasingly vivid in his mind as he sinks to the floor, on the verge of hyperventilating. The servant girl keeps a hand on his shoulder as she calls for help, worry heavy in her tone.

As servants surround Mark, his mind only sinks further. He can't do this anymore. He needs Seán with him if he's going to keep going, but how is he supposed to do that? How does he get Seán back? As the servants help him back to his room, only one thought is prominent in his mind.

There must be a way to fix this.