Joshler Fluff

athazagoraphobia

"What's your bigget fear, Tyler?"

This was stupid. The whole activity was the definition of stupid, really. Why on eaeth did the councillor think a group of friends who had known each other since middle school wouod require icebreakers?

All of Josh's freinds were seated around a makeshift campfire, faces awash in the dull orange glow eminating from the flames. Gerard, Frank, Pete, Brendon, Mikey, Dallon and, most importantly, Tyler.

The only thing convenient about the dark was that Josh could stare as much as he wanted at the pretty boy sitting opposite hin. He and Tyler had been friends since the first week of middle school, where they had been paired up for a biology project and had subsequently let several tarantulas loose in the science building. Now they were midway through their highschool career and the only thing that had changed in regards for Josh's feelings towards the small brunette was the deepening of his affection.

Tyler looked up suddenly, abandoning the stick he had been drawing in the dirt with. Beside him, Pete shot him a rather uninterested stare, his eyes half-shut.

Tyler was not a very expressive person. He kept most of his thoughts and feelings under lock and key, far away from his face. Despite his rather closed-off manner, he felt everything deeply, too deeply to be healthy, in Josh's opinion. Over the years, Josh had learned and adapted to reading Tyler's emotions off the subtle things his body did, not from looking at his face or his eyes like he did with the rest of his friends. Tyler was different, special. And if it required Josh to work harder to make sure the sole object of his affection was safe and supported at all times, then so be it.

Josh watched, careful not to look too concerned as Tyler hesitated slightly, looking off into the fire. After a long pause, he shrugged slightly.

"I dunno." His voice was soft and gentle. "Forgetting things?"

The councillor didn't seem to pay much attention to the obvious unsure hint in Tyler's voice, moving on to questuon Brendon about his regrets, but Josh did. He didn't say anything, didn't try to catch Tyler's eye across the campfire, but he was suddenly hyper-aware of the small boy opposite him.

The dull campfire finally died down and everyone was sent to their respective tents. Frank and Gerard. Brendon and Dallon. Pete and Mikey, who, despire being several years younger than everyone else had still made his way into the trip. Josh and Tyler.

They got ready for bed, brushing their teeth, showering if necessary. Josh didn't look at Tyler during this period of time. He washed his face and threw on an oversized Blink-182 shirt before flinging himself into his bed, listening silently as Tyler quietly made his way onto his bunk.

"Tyler, what's your biggest fear?" Josh's voice, even lowered to a whisper, cut through the heavy silence of the tent.

There was a shifting movement from Tyler's side of the room, indicating a shrug.

"I said outside," he murmured back. "Forgetting stuff."

Like outside, the same hint of uncertainty lay in his voice. Josh threw off his covers and padded over to Tyler's bunk.

"Can I come in?"

Tyler laughed softly but shifted over, allowing Josh to slide in next to him.

"Why do you want to sleep with me if you have your own perfectly good bed?" Tyler asked softly.

Josh shrugged. "Sleeping with you is nicer."

Tyler said nothing, his face invisible in the darkness. Josh sighed and took Tyler's smaller hand in his own. Tyler didn't react. They always did this, always held hands, slept together. It was just as platonic as anything.

"You didn't answer my question." Josh breathed.

"Why do you care?" Tyler's response sounded guarded. Josh hated when he got like this, mostly because he knew Tyler was worried about something when he talked to Josh in that fenced-off manner, but never in his life would Josh force Tyler to do anything, especially tell him what was bothering him, even if Josh desperately wanted to know.

"I'm curious. I'll tell you mine."

There was a pause, then a sigh. "Okay. You first."

Josh smirked, snuggling closer to Tyler, feeling a bask of warmth as Tyler buried his face in Josh's chest.

"Public speaking." he said confidently. "Hate it, always will. Don't like the idea of people watching be, all focused on me and the mistakes I'll make. It bothers me, I guess."

Tyler nodded against his chest. Josb threaded a finger through the brunette's soft hair.

"Now you."

"It's really stupid," he muttered, his soft voice muffled by Josh's body.

"Nothing you say is stupid, angel."

Yet another perfectly platonic nickname that didn't have any of the implications Josh wanted it to.

"Athazagoraphobia," Tyler said after a long pause. Josh chuckled. "Leave it to you have a fear with the longest name ever. What does that mean?"

Tyler gripped Josh's hand. "Fear of being forgotten."

"No one would ever forget you, angel. You're too memorable for that."

"You might forget me, though. After we leave school. What am I gonna do if you're not with me?"

Josh let go of Tyler's hand and sat up suddenly, staring at the shapeless figure of Tyler below him.

"Is that what you're scared of? I'll forget you?"

Tyler sighed. "You're my best friend. I love you. The idea that you might wake up some day and not spare me a passing thought or you'll stop texting me or stop insisting on sharing a bed with me just because you can, that scares me. You mean the world to me, but I'm scared I don't mean anything to you. I'm....scared that you don't care about me, I guess."

Josh lay back down, wrapping his arms around tyler and holding him close.

"I will never forget you, angel. Never in a million years. I will always text you, no matter where you are, regardless of whether or not you want me to. I will always sleep with you like this. You will always be my best friend, and I will always love you."

He pressed a shaky kiss to Tyler's head. Maybe some of the dreaded platonicness had gone out of their movements. Maybe something had changed. Maybe, maybe not.

"I love you," he muttered against Tyler's forehead. "That's never gonna change."

Tyler pressed himself up against Josh again, clasping his hand with his. "Promise?"

Josh rested his chin atop Tyler's head, smiling slightly.

"Promise."

//hi sorry for lack of updates///