Joshler Fluff

pity

"This can be fixed."

Tyler couldn't bring himself to raise his gaze from the ground as his father spoke out. He kept his eyes forcefully trained on his shoes as he felt his parents stare at the top of his head with pure, shattering disappointment.

"Tyler? Do you understand?"

He parted his lips numbly, but no sound came out.

"It's just a sickness," his mother offered, her voice softer than his father's, almost painfully sweet. "Just a phase. Nothing doctors can't fix."

Tyler knew he was supposed to nod here. Nod and say it was alright, that maybe he was  just confused. That they knew best, and he was just a sad, confused teenager.

He knew he was supposed to agree to being fixed.

Tyler raised his head slightly. His neck ached dully and his whole body felt out of place. He found himself looking from face to face, trying to find a hint of acceptance, sympathy, care. A hint of anything that wasn't oversaturated and sickening pity.

Did this deserve pity? It couldn't be denied that this situation was hellish at best. He had done such a good job of hiding, hiding the letters, the porn, everything. He had thought he would be able to live the rest of high school out, holding this secret to himself, just long enough until he could escape, be free of his parents and their cold slurs and backwards judgements.

It certainly was a pitiful situation.

"Tyler?" His father rapped his knuckles on the table. "It's a phase, do you understand?"

Tyler found his head moving slowly, achingly slowly. Up and down, up and down.

"Your mother and I are going to talk about this," his father continued, his eyes filled with fucking pity. "There's some, well..."

And for the first time since he had been brought down into the kitchen, Tyler felt the desire to speak.

"Some what?" he said, voice just a little to harsh to be polite.

His father noticed. His face twitched before he continued. "Some camps. Correction camps."

"It's just temporary, love. Just until you get over it." Tyler's mother sounded close to tears.

Close to tears at the thought that her son, heavens forbid, was gay.

Liked men. Not straight. A homosexual, a faggot. Whatever word you wanted to put on it to cover up the meaning, it was the same. Gay.

Gay, for one boy in particular.

Joshua William Dun. Joshua William Dun, with his crooked smile and his gentle hands and his adorable laugh. Josh, the boy in Tyler's grade who seemed to catch the eye of everyone, bog and girl alike. Josh Dun, with his accepting parents and safe home. He was perfection in human form.

And Tyler had been lucky enough to have perfection fall in love with him.

But their short and passionate teenage romance seemed to be drawing close, by the looks of things. Tyler knew his father wasn't kidding about correction facilities. He knew where he'd be spending his summer. And while the idea of a bunch of God-fearing lunatics drilling the bible into bis bead sounded faintly amusing, he knew that when if got back, things would change. He wouldn't be allowed out to see Josh. He might not even go back to his school, who knew?

It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

But it wasn't going to be fun.

"Okay," Tyler whispered. Thank God he wasn't crying. That would've made the situation a million times worse, if his parents saw their awful little faggot of a son, crying like a girl.

"You'll get over this." Tyler's father cleared his throat. "Set yourself, ahem, straight."

"I'm gonna go upstairs," Tyler said softly, already standing up. He brushed past his parents, hand gripping his phone as he hurried to his bedroom. He knew it would be taken away from him soon, but he had it for now.

He was calling Josh before he even shut the door.

"Hey," Josh's breathless voice crackled into life. "What's up? I've even texting you like crazy, are you okay?"

"They found out," he heard himself say. "They know."

A long silenece followed this news. Tyler could hear Josh taking a few shaky breaths.

"About us?" he funally whispered.

"They found the letters. They found everything."

Ah, the letters. Childish and sappy, but for the three months he and Josh had been sending them, they had been the highlight of his day, funding one taped to his locker. That was over too now, he guessed. No more of that.

"Are you okay?"

Tyler laughed softly. "Kinda. They're not mad."

"Really?" The amazement in Josh's voice was painfully predictable. Everyone knew what Tyler's parents were like.

"Just think it's a phase. They're sending me to a conversion camp."

"Shit..." Josh breathed. Then again. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Yeah."

"Shit."

"I know," Tyler said flatly.

"You can stay with us, with me." Josh said forcefully. "If things get bad, just come over. My parents won't mind. You're always welcome here."

"Thanks, Joshy." Typer gave a watery smile. "Fuck, thank you."

"Only the world for you." Josh laughed softly. "Call again soon?"

Tyler sighed. "They're gonna take my phone."

Another inhale. "They said so?"

"It's only a matter of time." Tyler shrugged.

"Well..." Tyler could tell Josh was searching for the positive. "Summer's a ways away. We can still talk at school."

"Yeah," Tyler nodded absently. Head still felt disconnected from his body, as if he hadn't really absorbed what was happening.

"It's gonna be okay."

"Mmh," Tyler grunted.

"I love you."

Tyler exhaled shakily, emotion clawing at his voice as he responded. "I love you too, Joshy."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Tyler felt himself hang up, Josh's words echoing around his stunned brain. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Tyler wanted to believe him. Josh had said it with such fiery conviction, Tyler almost did.

Almost.

Because things were a long way from okay at this point. Even Tyler in all his desensitized state and shock and indifference knew this.

And it wasn't going to get much better.

 //hi guys i know i haven't been updating that much I've just been really busy these past few weeks! i promise I'll update regularly soon! also, i did delete a lot of chapters from this book because i was unsatisfied with them, so some are missing now. just a heads up :)

Friendly reminder: emotions is finished! Y'all should read! Also! You should read sober and criminal minds! 

Should i do a part 2?//