Only For You

Sometimes I Wonder...

•Tord's POV•
"So..." I cough nervously. "What now?"
Tom shrugs. "I don't know"
"Yeah, I'm really liking the idea of a low key night, to be honest with you..." Edd admitted. "A lot of stuff happened..."
"Yeah, but we have to keep Tord safe..." Tom's 'eyes' fill with tears and I quickly hug him tightly.
"I love you too much to lose you..." he murmurs into my hoodie. I never realized how small he was, how frail he was. Scars littered his arms, up and down, almost perfectly matching mine. His ribs were apparent through his scarred skin. Burn scars. Because of me. It just made me want to protect him more, but the truth burned harshly in the back of my mind.
I couldn't live with this, but I loved him too much to leave him. I grimaced as another wave of pain came over me and whispered, "you won't. No matter what we have to do, I won't leave you..."
He was perfect. Too perfect. I wasn't good enough for him, with his crooked smile and sparkling eyes.
Like earlier, at the fair. The bright lights and stars lighting up the deep abysses.
The glimmer of hope that Tom could change me.
So words couldn't describe how I felt when a look of anguish crossed his face and he stood, so abruptly.
"I'll be right back. I'm going to my room." He gruffly walked out.
"Is...he okay?" Edd watched after him.
"I'm not sure. Tim's always been a little...distant." Matt rubs Edd's back soothingly.
"Tom."
"That's what I said, Erick."
We wait about ten minutes, until I can't take it anymore.
"I'm going to find him." I say, practically running out of the room.
I trip my way down the hall, arriving at his door.
"Tom? Tom, are you okay?!" I call through the door.
No answer.
"Tom! Answer me! Please!" I begin to tremble.
Nothing.
I shove the door open and see Tom, passed out on the floor. Empty bottles of Smirnoff litter the floor, and a bloody razor blade hangs limply from his fingers.
"Tom!" I cry, leaning down next to him and holding him close. Long, deep wounds run down his arms.
"Tom? Tom, wake up!" I shake him gently.
"T-Tord...?" He groans.
"Tom? Thank god!" I run my hand through his hair and gently kiss his forehead. "Never do that again."
Suddenly, he begins to cry. "I'm sorry, T-Tord..."
"For what? You have nothing to be sorry for, Tom. You're perfect."
"No...no..." he hiccups. "I'm not good enough. I never will be. I'm not good enough for you."
I hold him tightly and help him stand.
"Come on, you're a mess. Let's clean up your arms before you bleed out."
Once in the bathroom, I gently bandage his arms and wipe away blood until there's not a trace of what happened.
I cradle his face and look into his eyes.
"You're perfect..." I whisper, before kissing him on the forehead.
Tom looks at me, joy in his eyes.
"If you say so..."
"I do. I do say so. You're perfect and I love you. I always will."
"P-promise...?"
"Always."

•Tom's POV•
I didn't know what compelled me to do what I did. It was almost as if some invisible force pushed me to try and kill myself.
I didn't want to.
I never wanted to leave Tord.
Especially after I almost lost him.
But I could tell something was up. I could see the pain in his eyes. The discreet ways he put his hand to his temple, the uncomfortable smiles and the lonely silence.
Something was wrong.
"Tord, what's going on with you? Why are you in so much pain?" I confronted him the next day.
"It's nothing serious, min søte. Just headaches." He assures me with a kiss on the cheek.
"You know I hate it when you talk to me in Norwegian. I never understand what you're saying."
"Leftover stress, Om selv det. I'll be fine." He whispers. "The important thing is I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
"Easy there, loverboy." I flush. The words had just popped out.
Tord's expression lit up.
"So it's official?" He chuckled. "Well well. Seems that Thomas Rockwell has turned a corner."
"Well whatever. Whaddya want to do? The world is our oyster."
Tord thought a moment. "Well since you showed me the most amazing place ever last night, I want to do the same for you." He dances a little happy dance around the room.
"Sure. Now or later?"
"Now. But I want Edd and Matt to come."
"Why?"
"You'll see, soon enough."
<><><><><><>
"Well, here we are." Tord smiles as we pull up in front of a simple farming land.
"This is all?" I ask in disbelief. "We've been in the car, like, three hours!"
"Of course it's not, min søte." He rolls his eyes as we get out of the car. "This way!"
He runs along the cornfield, his chestnut hair shining in the sun. About a fifteen minute walk later, we approach an old farmhouse.
Tord shoves against the old door and it heaves open. The inside is clean, though it's old and musty.
"What...is this place?" I ask, slowly walking around.
"My safe place, min søte. This is where I come to do all of my-" he inhales sharply. "Thinking."
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing, Love. Nothing at-" he pulls his hand to his temple and winces. "All."
"Tord?"
Tord slowly sits down at the table, both of his hands on his forehead, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.
"Tord, what's wrong? Answer me!" I kneel down beside him, and it's at that moment I realize the fear and helplessness that he felt last night.
He looks up at me, tears streaming out of his eyes.
"It hurts." He manages to gasp out.
"What? What hurts?!"
"It..." his breathing was labored. "It hurts."
"Edd! Get the car!" I yell, beginning to cry myself.
"Hold on Tord..." I whisper, holding him close. "Please....hold on." The tears trail down my face and down my jaw, dripping off my chin onto the floor. "I can't lose you. Not after I just found you again. Please, Tord. I love you."
He reaches a weak hand up and wipes my tears away softly.
"I'll never leave you, min søte. I promise."