Poker Face ✔

Chapter 30

The boys and I walked across our family's mansion quickly. I dropped my luggage on to the cold hard tiles once we arrived to the kitchen. The boys his behind me nervously while I stood across from uncle Nate and Aunt Kat. I slid the home videos across the kitchens wooden table.

"Taylorina" Uncle Nate firmed his gaze.

"One word" I said with a straight face, "Kenny"

I watched as the blood drained from both their faces.

Aunt Kat's eyes filled with fear. "Oh no" she shook her head, shooting up from her seat.

So I guess it wasn't so bad that they selfishly cut our trip short after all.

"Where did you get these?" Uncle Nate clenched his jaw.

"Sarah Koleawiskis" I explained, "now I'm going to ask you a couple questions and you're going to answer truthfully. Do you or do you not have a twin brother named Kenny Ashton?"

There was a moment of silence as Aunt Kat and uncle Nate exchange terrified looks.

"We're not discussing this" Uncle Nate shook his head.

"Answer the question!" I begged, "do you have a twin named Kenny?"

I knew the answer to the question I was asking, I just had to hear him say it. I needed to understand why I hadn't known about him.

"No" he sighed.

"Bullshit!" I clenched my fists.

"Kid" Aunt Kat hushed, looking at the boys and I with sad eyes.

I didn't understand all the secrecy. I didn't understand why Aunt Kat and Uncle Nate's eyes were filled with so much fear and sadness just from hearing his name.

Did he leave my family willingly? Was he disowned? Or was he one that we lost along the way?

"Taylorina..." Uncle Nate looked down for a moment, "I had a twin brother"

My heart skipped a beat.

"What happened? How did I not know about this?" I asked, my voice softer this time.

"Taylorina" he started slowly, "sit down"

"Boys go to the gym with the others" aunt Kat ordered. They exchanged blank looks in confusion. "now!" She raised her voice.

They nodded slowly before walking quickly out of the room. I took a seat across the table.

"Nate, I don't know—" aunt Kat said fearfully.

"Kat" he firmed his eyes in disapproval.

"Alright but if this goes south" she warned, dropping to the seat beside Uncle Nate.

"What going on?" I asked slowly, searching their eyes for some kind of clue.

"I had an identical twin brother named Kenneth" he admitted.

"Why hadn't I met him?" I forced myself to ask as my heart began to beat faster and faster.

"You had" Uncle Nate admitted, "in fact the two of you were extremely close"

My eyes widened in disbelief.

"I don't understand, how is that possible? I have no memory of him"

"Kenny passed away along time ago" aunt Kat announced.

"When?" I clenched my jaw.

"You would have been about three, maybe four" aunt Kat told me, her voice fear in her voice.

I didn't understand why they hid this person from me and the boys. What was it about him that made them decide that their wouldn't be any evidence of him in the house?

"I don't understand" I repeated "what's the big deal—"

"Kid" aunt Kat interrupted me, "it was the circumstances surrounding his death that is....well sensitive"

"Especially to you" Uncle Nate added.

I furrowed my brows."Me? Why me?"

And that's when uncle Nate and I exchanged more words then we had ever before.

"Did you know the effects of trauma can impact every aspect of a persons life, even if they have no memory of it? An infant ripped away from their mother. A baby being left to cry it out. A toddler witnessing violence." Uncle Nate told me.

My eyes began to sting.

"What happened?" I gulped down hard.

"When you were young, Kenny wanted a way out of this family and his...life...he chose drugs and alcohol over our help. He stopping working and instead would get lost somewhere in Europe with some pills" uncle Nate admitted. "When you were around four years old, he got worse and killed himself at the Sunday Barbeque"

I nodded slowly, my heart racing. I was comprehending everything they were saying but what I didn't understand was how this involved me.

"What does this have to do with me?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"You and Kenny were close" aunt Kat assured "really close and..."

"You were the one who found the body" Uncle Nate looked me in the eye, lacking warmth. "You were four years old when you watched your uncle put the barrel of a revolver to his temple and pull the trigger"

My heart stopped. Everything around me froze.

"We hoped you would never remember what happened that day. We stopped mentioning Kenny after that and stopped going to those damns barbecues. We didn't want you to relive what happened" Aunt Kat looked away from me.

I ran my fingers through my hair. My thoughts knotting together like a piece of twine.

"And I uh was close with this man?" I asked.

"He was practically your father" aunt Kat admitted, "he was the doctor that delivered you...you guys were attached and never left each others sight....you used to call for him late at night after he died...to get you to sleep we'd send in Nate instead"

"You merged us into one man in your mind" Uncle Nate told me, "perks of sharing the same face"

That's why I was so close to uncle Nate growing up?

"You didn't sleep on your own for months" aunt Kate added, "Nate had to stop going on jobs so he could get you to sleep"

I wanted to ask about seeing myself as a small frail baby in the footage. I feared their response but forced myself to do so despite this.

"Um uh" I started but couldn't stop my body from rapidly shaking, "in the home video I uh saw myself as a baby and I was extremely...."

"Underweight" aunt Kat finished before nodding, "you were born early. Too early in fact. Twenty eight weeks. If Kenny wasn't on the ball, things would have panned out very differently"

My eyes widened in realization.

"Is that why you're so overprotective of me?" I reverted my gaze to uncle Nate, "because I was never supposed to live beyond twenty eight weeks?"

"Unpack Taylorina" he lowered his voice.

And just like that, his walls came right back up. I got more out of my uncle that day then I ever could in my life.