Benefits

Ch. 5: Undiscovered

Undiscovered- Laura Welsh

"You're undiscovered, I wanna see the rest of you, I can't get next to you."

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I haven't cried since I was fourteen years old. Since then I've kept it in with anger, but now, here I am crying. The drips fall one by, landing in the cracks of the heathens. I'm crying over Jake. I'm crying over the stupidity of people. Why can't people be more sympathetic then jumping at the act of rudeness? The world's blind for the weak. Instead of helping them, the world decides that it's not alright to be that way. Sensitivity is a weakness. Emotions should die.

Why did I come here? To make myself a complete fool in front of half of the school? To prove a point? To make Lauren happy? To not be alone on a Friday night? What was the point of popularity? What was the point of going out and having "fun"? Nothing. Really nothing. Maybe I am an attention whore.

I sat on the bench in the back of the house where only a few people were blowing blunts and such. I was surprised that none of the neighbors called the police already.

I hear someone's footsteps and the crunch of leaves to my right. I look up quickly and see Jake looking down at me. He sits down next to me while he puts his nearly empty beer bottle next to him on the floor. I look away as quick as I can, my eyes glaze down at my feet in preparation at his bashing that I'm probably going to get. "Just leave me alone," I whisper.

"No." He slurs.

I keep my eyes down. I'm not in the mood to fight. I'm not even in the mood to cry, but that didn't stop me. "Can you please leave?" I ask politely.

"I could." He sighs out. He grips the edge of the bench with his hands, tightening his grip with his fingertips.

"What do you want?" I finally snap. "To embarrass me as much as you can? Oh, wait you have already!"

"Dawn-"

"I thought it was Miss. Priss. Oh, wait, attention whore! Oh no, it's Denise!" I sputter my words at him in rage.

"I'm trying to be civil with you, but to do that I need you to calm the fuck down for point five seconds." I roll my eyes and cross my arms tighter around myself. I lean back against the bench awaiting his "civilness." "Look, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for being a dick to you yesterday by calling you an attention whore." He seems to say this with force like if he's never apologized to anyone before.

"And?" I say trying to probe him to apologize for the other things.

"What?" He asks, raising his eyebrows as if he's done nothing to cause me pain.

"Oh, I don't know maybe when you said that I should get fucked in front of the whole class."

"Oh sunshine, you know, and I know that's only the truth."Before I can call him an asshole he says. "Most guys would volunteer to do that. That was a favor from me to you."

"Shut up." I don't even look at him.

"What? You don't think so?" He sounds incredulous.

Instead of answering his question, I ask another, "Why would guys do that?"

"Rivers? Have you not looked at yourself in a mirror before?" He says as if he is growing frustrated. His fingers tap against the bench impatiently.

"Of course I have!"

"It was a rhetorical question." He tells me dumbly.

I blush lightly realizing how idiotic I sounded when I was defending myself." What are you getting at?" I whisper.