Benefits

Ch. 97: Stay

Stay- Rihanna feat: Mikky Ekko

"Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move. Makes me feel like I can't live without you. It takes me all the way; I want you to stay."

---

Jake P.O.V.

The day before my possible ending. It came to this. All the hard work, the training, the planning, and yet I don't feel satisfied. If there's one misstep--one wrong move, I'm gone. Who knows what will happen if I lose. Will Ledger make an example out of me and kill me? Or keep me alive so he can have her? My love. Without me, there are no ties. I think about that daily, and I know it's unhealthy, but it's kind of hard not to think of any other solution except offing myself.

But she would kill me if she were to know what I was thinking about. The dark shit. All of it.

"What are you thinking about?" Dawn asks because of my scowl that grows on my face.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

There she goes with the questions-- The intruding ones. She likes knowing what I'm thinking at all times, and it's nerve-wracking, to say the least, because some things should be left unsaid. "I'm just worried."

She squeezes me tighter around my waist. The day before the big fight, and I'm laying with my girl. Holding each other, cuddling, hopefully fucking eventually. "I am too." She answers honestly. I know she is. How could she not be?

But she doesn't know what I know. There is still a chance for me not surviving, but I have a plan. A plan that could change everything, and for it to be in motion-- I must keep it from her because if she were to find out. She'd talk to me out of it.

Dawn's too good for me, and I can't help but remind myself.

"Have you thought about it?"

"About what?" She sighs into my neck.

"About dying?"

She looks up to me quickly; her eyes worry at my morbid thoughts. For the most part, I'm honest with her about everything, but sometimes I let all the dark shit stay inside my mind. She has enough going on in her own head.

"A few times," her voice cautious and steady.

"How do you think it'll be?" My voice quiet, and I won't let myself look at her now because I know she's nearly going to combust. One second she was a sleepy love, and now she is shaking in my arms like a schoolgirls first day of high school.

"Jake," is all she says for me to know that this is why I don't allow myself to say the dark shit to her. We're both broken, and right now it isn't the time to break down and cry in each other's arms. "Jake." She begs me for I don't what.

She wants my eyes. That look into her soul like every other day. We don't have to say the dark shit; we can basically read each other's minds. If I do look at her, I'll surely break. But I'd rather be broken than ever to ignore her eyes. She says my eyes are beautiful, and I think she is much more than beautiful. The way she smells, walks, talks, laughs, cries-- everything about her is lovely.

So when I do look into her eyes, we don't have to say much. We're both afraid out of our minds to what's to come tomorrow. My possible ending? Her possible assault? Regardless if I win or lose, there will be one ending in either outcome. Death.

So when she connects our lips, I kiss her like if it's the last time I'm going to ever kiss her, and I don't plan on fucking her tonight, but making love-- no matter how cheesy that sounds in my head. Her tears swim with mine, but no sobs are coming from either of us. Just moans that pass through our lips.

I'll die for this girl. I would. I will if I have to. Her hips move above mine, creating that radiant heat between us. My fingers are soft this time not because she's fragile-- but I am at this moment. I won't leave a mark on her this time unless she wants me to. Maybe she does? When my hands wrap around her ass, she hovers over my hands to squeeze my own, to goad me to pinch harder and I do as she wants. I'd do anything for her.

A deep moan passes through Dawn's lips once more when she rocks a little faster in my lap. The necklace of my mother's ring swings into my neck. It looks lovely on her. Especially when her breasts are spilling out of her tank top, I kiss down her throat and press my teeth against the base of her neck.

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