To Love A King

18

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"Stupid girl!"

I roll my eyes and turn away from the witch, taking my time to look around the forest.

But before I can even take another breath, the old hag is right beside me, her strikingly green eyes piercing mine.

"I know you can do it, Lillian. Call on her."

I straighten my back and glare at her.

Sneering I ask, "How do I call on a forest exactly?"

"We've been over this, are you daft girl?"

It's true. We had been over it. Multiple times, but apparently I'm not good at thinking of happy things. Or as Anula put it, 'my best memory', whatever the fuck that means.

"I can't really choose," I look away from Anula and sigh dramatically, "I just have so many happy memories to pick from." The sarcasm dripped from every word. 

She frowns slightly, her face softens ever so slightly. Not exactly pity, but understanding, maybe. 

"It doesn't have to be a good memory. Just the one that evokes the strongest emotion from you. Lillian, I know you don't quite understand, but it is very important that you try."

The urge to scream is strong. No, no one ever wants to tell me what is going on. I'm always trapped by questions that never get answers and strangled by words I'll never get to say.

But, this is the world we all live in. Unfair, cruel and a tragedy in its own right. I'm not the only one who is suffering. I'm not the only one who has ever suffered.

So, I relax my shoulders, and I delve into parts of my mind that I never wanted to touch.

I do this because so much more then my questions are at stake.

+++

I think of my mother's death first. I think of how the feelings ripped me to shreds. Tore apart every single remnant of who I was. I think about her screams and how they scratched so painfully at my ears. I think of my father, who looked away as the woman he loved was torn to the bone. He mouthed her name, Emily. Over and over again.

He never moved. He was a coward, but I was one too.

But I also think of her. I think of Rose. I think of her lovely, blinding smile. I think of her soft lips and gentle caresses. 

I think of the freckles that scattered her nose. The ones that I use to compare to something as mighty as the stars.

I think of her leaving. I think of the wolves taking my last bit of light.

And I see the world on fire.

+++

Anula's voice jerks me out of my thoughts. 

In front of me is a wolf. Standing tall. Its eyes as blue as the midday sky and fur a mix of gray and white.

"That has got to be one of the most ironic things I've seen in a long time," She stops for a moment, looks at the wolf, then back at me, "The Wolf Queen with her own wolf, and to think I was going to just give up with you."

Looking towards Anula, I level my gaze and she answers my unasked question. "I wasn't sure if your connection was strong enough to the forest to call on an animal, but it is tradition to try." She laughs, "You are a strange, mad stricken girl Lillian. We are going to have just a grand time together."

I don't laugh along with her.

+++

"Why is it following me?" I ask annoyed.